This time two years ago i was an undergraduate in a very depressing job, with a very depressing mindset. This year hasn't been much better, but in a very different way.
Where do i start?
I have learnt alot this year, i have experienced alot of death, and alot of life. I have learnt how to love myself a little more, and to be proud of my achievements.
Here is a birds eye view of what has happened:
I was told that i had no heart condition anymore, but then was un-surprisingly let down by it reappearing, however i am in a different state of mind about it now. I have a phone appointment (why phone will be explained shortly) regarding the future of my heart, and the option of an operation regarding the re-mapping but not fixing of it. This has taken me alot to agree with, if you know me or have read previous blogs you know i have struggled with previous operations, and have a small amount of PTSD regarding my heart condition, but i have worked on myself for the past couple of years. Since that stint of "i'm fixed, oh no actually i'm not" i have come to the conclusion that it is worth me being re-mapped again, since my last one was atleast 10 years ago, for the sake of my future and to see what options there are. Again, this is a mental battle that only i can fight, but the support of my family and friends has helped me tremendously.
I became a Bachelor of Science in 2019, passing with an overall 2:1 and have just submitted my Master of Science dissertation, it was a strange year. We finished university online due to current pandemic occurring namely labelled COVID-19 or Coronavirus (no not the beer), and i have not seen my friends since February, (this is also why the phone appointment, obviously). However, we have all supported eachother quite well i think, and i wouldn't be where i am today without them, they are the best friends i have ever had over a numerous amount of school years, i just wish we could have finished together, but hopefully Graduation will help complete our ritual.
I have had 3 deaths in the family, which have hit quite hard, but has brought together a strong family bond between cousins i think, i miss them all dearly and wish we could be together every day of the week, but alas with the 'rona we aren't able to see eachother. It has hit my family pretty hard, but as death does it makes you realise how important everyone is surrounding you. We miss you Damien, John and Janet, and you will forever be in our hearts.
I have started a new job, in which i don't think i've ever been more proud of myself - i have come a long way from the unapologetically selfish Savers girl, i am now in a professional role that i feel i fit quite comfortably in, and the people i work with are just the best.
I got tattoos!! finally, i have 5 so far and i am planning for more when the 'rona lets me see my tattoo artist, definitely has allowed for me to have more freedom to express myself - be proud of your achievements, even if they are little!
I have discovered a new coping mecahnism for life, a new pathway if you wish, and have started to study Wiccan and witch-craft (not in the ookie spooky way), it has helped me to formulate a further understanding of what the universe has waiting for me, and has helped me with alot of situations this year. As you probably don't know, it is Mercury Retrograde between June and July, this is a tough time for many people and unfortunately passes through Venus retrograde as well as falling under the sign of Cancer. For me, this means movement, changing and decision making that may need to be discussed further, and it applies clearly to what is happening in my life right now, as well as what is happening with the world.
My daily Tarot and Rune reading helps me to keep focused and positive on my day to day affirmations, it helps me to realise that there is a plan out there and i just have to believe in myself. Whilst it has been a tough year i know that it has formed me as a person, to be a more understanding, loving and strong person.
Maybe i will carry on these blogs now that i have time - maybe they will change into daily or monthly affirmations and what my daily tarots and runes may mean to me on the daily - who knows? i have more time on my hands now.
Believe in yourself, no matter where you are in life right now, you will experience bad times and good times, but no matter what you are doing, or how you are feeling, it can only get better from here.
I will leave you with the lyrics to a song that is constantly in my head at the moment, and as always, stay rad.
Remember me, though i have to say goodbye, remember me, don't let it make you cry, for ever if i'm far away, i hold you in my heart, i sing a secret song to you each night we are apart.
