Remember me?

How funny that it is nearly EXACTLY 2 years since i submitted my last Captains Log... Strange.

This time two years ago i was an undergraduate in a very depressing job, with a very depressing mindset. This year hasn't been much better, but in a very different way.

Where do i start? 

I have learnt alot this year, i have experienced alot of death, and alot of life. I have learnt how to love myself a little more, and to be proud of my achievements. 

Here is a birds eye view of what has happened:

I was told that i had no heart condition anymore, but then was un-surprisingly let down by it reappearing, however i am in a different state of mind about it now. I have a phone appointment (why phone will be explained shortly) regarding the future of my heart, and the option of an operation regarding the re-mapping but not fixing of it. This has taken me alot to agree with, if you know me or have read previous blogs you know i have struggled with previous operations, and have a small amount of PTSD regarding my heart condition, but i have worked on myself for the past couple of years. Since that stint of "i'm fixed, oh no actually i'm not" i have come to the conclusion that it is worth me being re-mapped again, since my last one was atleast 10 years ago, for the sake of my future and to see what options there are. Again, this is a mental battle that only i can fight, but the support of my family and friends has helped me tremendously. 

I became a Bachelor of Science in 2019, passing with an overall 2:1 and have just submitted my Master of Science dissertation, it was a strange year. We finished university online due to current pandemic occurring namely labelled COVID-19 or Coronavirus (no not the beer), and i have not seen my friends since February, (this is also why the phone appointment, obviously). However, we have all supported eachother quite well i think, and i wouldn't be where i am today without them, they are the best friends i have ever had over a numerous amount of school years, i just wish we could have finished together, but hopefully Graduation will help complete our ritual.

I have had 3 deaths in the family, which have hit quite hard, but has brought together a strong family bond between cousins i think, i miss them all dearly and wish we could be together every day of the week, but alas with the 'rona we aren't able to see eachother. It has hit my family pretty hard, but as death does it makes you realise how important everyone is surrounding you. We miss you Damien, John and Janet, and you will forever be in our hearts. 

I have started a new job, in which i don't think i've ever been more proud of myself - i have come a long way from the unapologetically selfish Savers girl, i am now in a professional role that i feel i fit quite comfortably in, and the people i work with are just the best.

I got tattoos!! finally, i have 5 so far and i am planning for more when the 'rona lets me see my tattoo artist, definitely has allowed for me to have more freedom to express myself - be proud of your achievements, even if they are little!

I have discovered a new coping mecahnism for life, a new pathway if you wish, and have started to study Wiccan and witch-craft (not in the ookie spooky way), it has helped me to formulate a further understanding of what the universe has waiting for me, and has helped me with alot of situations this year. As you probably don't know, it is Mercury Retrograde between June and July, this is a tough time for many people and unfortunately passes through Venus retrograde as well as falling under the sign of Cancer. For me, this means movement, changing and decision making that may need to be discussed further, and it applies clearly to what is happening in my life right now, as well as what is happening with the world.

My daily Tarot and Rune reading helps me to keep focused and positive on my day to day affirmations, it helps me to realise that there is a plan out there and i just have to believe in myself. Whilst it has been a tough year i know that it has formed me as a person, to be a more understanding, loving and strong person. 

Maybe i will carry on these blogs now that i have time - maybe they will change into daily or monthly affirmations and what my daily tarots and runes may mean to me on the daily - who knows? i have more time on my hands now. 

Believe in yourself, no matter where you are in life right now, you will experience bad times and good times, but no matter what you are doing, or how you are feeling, it can only get better from here.

I will leave you with the lyrics to a song that is constantly in my head at the moment, and as always, stay rad.

Remember me, though i have to say goodbye, remember me, don't let it make you cry, for ever if i'm far away, i hold you in my heart, i sing a secret song to you each night we are apart.

3642 days, 54 hours.

3652 days of my life has been consisted of a constant battle with my heart, 54 hours in total of surgery for 6 operations which have not been successful but more helpful towards what is actually wrong with my heart, and a hell load of physical and mental recovery from it.

I was diagnosed at age 8 with Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome, which is a functional defect of the heart, not only was i diagnosed with this but three operations into it, atrial-ventricular tachycardia and supra-ventricular tachycardia soon established after my heart getting a beating from key-hole surgery catheter ablation. Not ONLY was i diagnosed with all of this, what started off as mum telling me to stop running about on the playground, to going to the doctors with an ear infection started off my life as a patient of Bristol Children's Hospital.

It has been an adventure, when i was a child i was so excited about all the different things that was going on during my stay at the hospital, patients who have been to BCH will agree with me that it is brilliant for the short adventurous minds of children, the colours and staff both having a great effect on us. Although by the age of 12, i started to understand more about what was going on, and how serious it could get after a few battles at surgery, i had to grow up very quickly for a 12 year old, and even though i knew i had it i still thought i could do all of the stuff a normal kid could.

If anyone from tewkesbury school can remember, i was chasing a friend of mine Jack Tharme around the playing field as he had my shoe, a normal thing for a normal kid to do as i wasnt such a girly girl but one of the lads i suppose. Although i seemed fine running after him and trying to catch up with him (baring in mind he was extremely fast), my heart gave up on me, i fainted in the middle of the field and i couldn't remember what happened from then, only that Mr McLemmon was wheeling me in a wheelchair through to reception where i found my mum and two brothers panicking, i seemed fine after that but it was the fact that my heart problem could effect me at any point, and when i fainted on that playing field i knew that my life had changed forever.

From then i started to learn about the stuff i could and couldn't do, the running about and playing sports i had to stop, and the doctors told me when i got older (my age now) i couldn't get a tattoo as it could be dangerous, or i couldn't drink or go on roller coasters, nevertheless i still did those things, apart from the tattoo im still waiting on that one, but i did. I challenged my heart on how far it could go, and yes it got me into trouble a lot of the time, but for a patient of a serious heart condition i think ive lived my life quite well so far.

When i was older, about 15 or so i started to search up my condition (dont lie people everyone does it even if they have a minor cough), i started to discover that many football players who die in the middle of the field had WPWS, but they never had the symptoms of it. Im a rare case in that i have always had the symptoms, and my symptoms have gotten worse over the years, but when i discovered about the footballers i felt really scared about what could happen to me if i wasnt careful. I also discovered that celebrities like Jessie J, Meatloaf and Marilyn Manson all have WPW so i didn't feel as bad then, apart from i have additional things ontop of it.

Youre probably wondering 'meg you haven't wrong in ages, why are you writing about this now?' The reason i started this blog was for me to vent, or take myself out of a different world to get away from my operation and problem, a year ago today i went into the operation theater for my sixth operation in which i thought would work, only to be woken up by shock and bed sores and to be told that it was unsuccessful again.

Now once i was older, at about 16 i started to get angry at the doctors, as every patient does. But when i woke up after this operation at 17 years old i told my doctor 'I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO, YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN ME A PACEMAKER'. Now by doing this it wasnt a great idea, but he completely understood and thats what i love about the two doctors ive had at BCH. When i went for my follow up appointment, to be told that i have to have another operation this year, i got very upset, and i never get upset about this, im usually quite strong minded and okay about it but i did, i cried my heart out. Because im fed up of being told continuously that my heart hasnt been fixed, and to live day in and out with a worry of 'am i going to drop dead?' 'is this going to damage my heart?'

Eventually my doctor said to me that there is another operation in which they want to try, its an 80% change of a pacemaker, so it will more than likely be that id get one, but it is the same as what they do on kidney stones, the radio frequency, only they are doing it on my AV node. Now the only positive thing about having 6 operations and none being successful is that they all helped to pinpoint the main problem in which my extra pathways were being made, my AV node. The AV node is the main point in your heart where all your beats come and go and the electrical pathways have to start from there and end there (in a way). My problem pinpointed down to the AV node, although this is extremely dangerous and difficult to get to and fix, they came up with a way that even if it does work it may shock the AV node back to normal, but it has more of a chance of damaging it.

My operation is either end of august, beginning of september, i dont know the actual date yet as i have to go for a 'pep' talk my mum calls it with my Doc, although i feel fine about it i still have some questions, but he said finally after 10 years and 6 operations, that this may, and will be the final operation whether it fixes the Radio-frequency way, or the pacemaker way.


In conclusion, id like to say ive never taken my life for granted, when i was a kid and was at tewkesbury school i was a dickhead at times, i was an asshole and a bitch and whatever else they could call me, my operations have damaged my grades, even though i tried as hard as i could, im still doing GCSE math now. I could have done so much better in school if it wasnt for it, but i dont think of the what ifs, and the what could have happeneds anymore. As an 18 year old adult, i like to think of every day in my life a gift, because if it wasnt for the doctors, the meds, and my mum i wouldn't be the person i am today. I am very thankful for what ive had in life, whether ive had friends that don't talk to me anymore, or friends that ive fallen out with, i still appreciate all the memories and stuff that happened, yeah i wish that some of us could have parted ways a bit easier, or could have atleast told me what i did wrong for me to not be their friends anymore but it doesnt matter, you win some you loose some.

I just want to be able to share my story, and to be thankful for what has come upon me even though its been a difficult ride. There are way worse people out there, alot which i have so much respect for and wish i could see alot more, like my friend Antonia, Antonia is probably the driving point for me wanting to fight these diseases and still be able to be happy, shes the strongest woman i know, and i love her alot. But i just want to give attention about the things that make both me and antonia appreciate the little things in life.


Thanks for reading.

MK x

ITS MAY | films & other fun stuff.

Well i didn't really keep my promise did i? writing blogs every so days.. congratulations meg you failed.

GOOD AFTERNOON FELLOW INTERNET FRIENDS. And welcome to MAY! well it seems like this has gone quickly, to think its coming close to exams now too, in college i feel like my life is just wasting away now, and its a constant repeat.

Today i'd like to take you on an adventure (pardon the pun), its officially the 4th of may whilst im writing this, {may the 4th be with you} on this amazing day i have failed to watch any star wars films, yesterday i watched episodes 1-3, but unfortunately forgot the DVDs to bring to my brothers house where im staying tonight, resulting in a supernatural night instead, not complaining.

Its getting there guys, not only is it the month of Star Wars it's also getting closer to summer, eventually well be there, FREEDOM I SAY!! well freedom for some, not for me, unfortunately another operation is ahead but thats for discussion later on!

May is also the month where its closer to new films coming out, among other things such as new games and exams (yay). Before i start i have already seen a bunch of new films including the new Avengers which personally i thought was amazing, although it was a bit jumpy in places and sometimes i couldnt keep up, i still enjoyed every single bit though as of course im a nerd when it comes to superhero films.

Here's a list of films coming up that im extremely excited about:

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Jurassic World (June 12)
Inside Out (June 19)
Paper Towns (June 19)
Pan (July 17)
Poltergeist (July 24)
Straight Outta Compton (August 14)
Legends (September 11)
Hunger Games: Part Two (November 20)
Star Wars Episode VII (December 18)
Deadpool (February 12)
Suicide Squad (August 5)
& Pereguins home for peculiars (2016 sometime)

And other ones that im not overly fussed with, im more concentrating on my TV shows at the moment as i have a list >> as you can see its very small, lmao dont worry i have enough time to get through them all, i dont do much with my life, and when i do it always involves one episode of my TV series' depending on which i fancy.

Not only is may the month where it gets closer to movies coming out its also the dreading moment of exams... now i only have 3 exams and HOPEFULLY finish early, if my crim teacher doesnt ask me to stay in, but i hope i do well, im not overly fussed about it to be honest but im ready for it. I hope it comes slowly though as my operation is coming up and that is something im not looking forward to, another more than likely 14 hour operation and a HELL load of recovery if decided upon a pace maker, when im on the table and nothing else has worked. See i still see the humor behind everything..

ANYWAY i hope you all have watched enough star wars to become a  jedi (or a sith depending on what floats your boat) and im going to hopefully finish them off tomorrow/wednesday and maybe start clone wars! Other than that nothing interesting going on.

HAVE A WONDERFUL MAY.

MK x

Well fancy seeing you here | 19th January 2015 | in need of a catch up? \m/

Hello there fellow darlings.

Oh how long it has been since ive wrote an entry, i do apologize for the inconvenience i have definitely been more busier than i expected to be when i started up this blogging account.

As you all know i am a College Student, and its that time of the year when mocks and assessments are due in and are to happen pretty soon. For me i started up a new lesson which i was greatly excited about, its Criminology Unit 1 and its so interesting yet so prolonged, i dont know how i handle a full 7 and a bit hours of doing it! All worth it in the end though if im planning to go to UNI i guess. It consists of 2 controlled assessments in order to get a degree in it, the first unit you have to pass before getting into unit 2 (obviously) but its all quite simple if you listen carefully to watch the teacher says and study as much as you can. The 'exam' if you could call it that, consists of a computer based essay of a type of brief, weve been given what our brief would be about, which is Euthanasia (if none of you know what Euthanasia is, then google it, its such a wide range of words that i cant even be bothered to spell out but it is very controversial in some cases and such a good argument to put in an essay!), we have to write about the biological, individualistic and sociological theories that is based around crime, and also mention how to prevent it, or how to legalize it? this is the argument, we are supposed to show our opinions, and base it around our the way that they can be identified and controlled. Its all very wordy-wordy in a non linguistic way, but it is extremely interesting, and it is also extremely easy! if you know what youre doing obviously, because you can take in all the different types of notes, and textbooks and work that youve printed off for revision as long as you know what youre looking for! So thats one thing thats been keeping me busy, including the start of A2 Media!

There has also been a lot going on at home, as you know with my dad, and also with my 18th!, Christmas, New Years etc, all the main holidays that has passed during the missing days of my entries. So where shall we start?

My 18th was amazing, it was on the 20th of December, and i got spoilt by lew and my family, the thing is i didnt want to be spoilt i just wanted a happy day with the people that i loved, the turn out was much bigger than i thought it was going to be, alot of my brothers old friends came round my house before going to the pub, and both my friends becky and jess were there who made the party even better, a long with my mother getting very drunk and not leaving the dance floor! but other than that it was a wonderful day, i didnt do much else, it was my 18th after all and i didnt even get ID'd! the thing is alot of people asked why i didnt go clubbing, i feel as though a lot of peoples brains are clouded by the excitement of going clubbing, not only would it be uncomfortable for me to be in, because of the confined spaces, and no breathing room whatsoever, so why would i enjoy it? with my heart aswell as my small irritation level and the fact that most clubs in cheltenham are surrounded with people in tewkesbury id rather not bump into every tom dick and harry in the club thanks, id rather have a nice quite night with people i enjoy being round at a pub with a cold pint and some good humor, than get dressed up to a suitable level in which im allowed into an actual club, thats what annoys me, you have to have a certain dress sense to actually be allowed in, but anyway like i said i dont think i would enjoy clubbing, just being able to go to a pub and feel comfortable enough buying alcohol is what im happy about. 18 isnt a huge number in my eyes.

5 days after that it was christmas and what a day that was! we had the whole family over at 6oclock when conar finished work, again we had to wait but it didnt matter, we all spoilt eachother and i think we all needed it this year, weve all been through alot, especially with everything with archie and i got to spend his first ever christmas with him! he was so cute, although he didnt understand what any of the presents are he sure seemed excited about what was going on! he is starting to understand the means of his presents now though, for a four month old baby he is growing fast!! constant trying to stand up and trying to roll over the little bugger, but yeah christmas was great, mum made the best dinner as always because shes wonderful!

And a couple of days after that i was on the train to Bath with lew! first train journey and i have to say i did enjoy it in a slightly awkward way, i sat on the wrong way of the train twice, which made me feel extremely sick, but i enjoyed it, in some weird way a train journey helps to clear your mind in a weird way, just looking out the window and being on a moving train, and also sat with a book in my hands, its the calmest way to take a journey. Lewis booked an apartment in the middle of bath town center and it really was a beautiful place, we had to self cater but it was nice because it seemed as though we were living together and thats always nice, we didnt do as much as we wanted to but it was a nice new year spent, apart from lew missing the countdown, that was hilarious. We went into the town, bought alot of movies chilled out watching the movies, had alot of dinners at our 'local' which is what we named it after finalizing that that was the best pub around to eat and drink in, best woowoo's ive ever drank! and we watched the football and had our new years meal there and it really was a lovely holiday, a nice getaway from the annoying bussel of tewkesbury, although it was only two nights, but unfortunately we had to come home at some point and again it was a calm train ride home, weird waking up in my own bed still in some weird way as it seemed so much of my own in bath.

After coming home not much happened, apart from more ruckus over family matters, i dont want to fully go into it but its still not sorted, and just trying to get myself back into a college routine as it takes me so long to do so, i can never get used to the timings on having to get up, or what essays i have to finish, i feel as though i have way too much work to remember for my exams, at least one of them is a bit easier than the other, i also have GCSE to pass, which has already been messed up once again! The teacher we had, Ian, he was okay but before christmas he stopped coming in and at the beginning of january he didnt turn up at all, and therefore we didnt have a teacher, a few of my friends had a serious conversation with our tutors and attempted to try and get a sub for our lessons, and we finally had a lesson today, and the teacher was awful, we stuck on one piece of paper for the whole entire lesson, and you know what it was such a waste of time! all about angles and we didnt even get answers by the end of it! she was more worried about her pencil cases being in exact order as they were when she gave them out.

At this precise moment in time, im in bed in my pyjamas, writing this (obviously) and watching criminal minds, and even writing back on how my last couple of months have been, i really do worship the people in my life, and appreciate everyone that is in it, i know for my family it has been a rough couple of years, and i cant even begin to think our strong we all are, more than ever, and i think this year will be our year, it definitely will be my year.

Im going to try so hard to be happy this year, and try to get my life sorted, college, career and everything else, and i hope family will be alot happier and calmer this year, i cant promise it of course but there isnt much we can do apart from hope. I feel alot more happier, and we have a plan sorted for how were going to do things from now on. We're also going to Ireland at some point this year, to see the rest of my family and spend some time with them, which im very much looking forward to. And im happy because lew is going to texas to see his dad, and he seems very excited and happy about it, it may be going over our 4 years but truthfully i dont care, i feel like its gotten to the point in our relationship when if something that you are doing makes you happy, that makes yourself happy, and he is so happy to be seeing his dad (and eating the american food haha, thats why i love him). As you can see, me and lew are both very well and we're doing brilliantly:)

SO

I hope you have all enjoyed the lonnnnnnggg catch up of the last couple of months, and also i hope that you will all be happy to know ill be blogging as much as i can now! and i will start up my writing of alice again when i have some time!

I hope all of you havent forgot about me and are still interested in what im doing.

STAY RAD GUYS \m/

MK x

Its been a while | Catch up!

So hey guys hows it going?

You probably dont remember who i am, if anyone is interested in that matter lol but i am back with vengeance!

No im not but i am going to start writing more, i feel so full of so many emotions its too difficult to keep to myself anymore.

Im feeling the need to be open about my feelings, and what is happening in my life at the moment.

My nephew has been born, and its already as troublesome as we thought it was going to be, but he is beautiful though, absolutely wonderful boy, beautiful infact.
This is him \/

He is the most beautiful thing ive ever thing, though i might be being biased because im his auntie. But he is a wonderful strong boy, and hes big! which is good because that means hes stronger than we all thought he would be, you usually connect 'diagnosed ill babies' as being really small and barely breath by themselves, but he can, infact he breathed by himself ever since he was born. They also got to hold him which is amazing, they were told that they may not be able to and they did, alot of times so far, and the doctors have explained the speel to ash and ciar.

I cant explain or even express how proud i am of both of them, and of archie because they are being so strong for him even though they cant do much right now. Alas i know how it feels to not be able to do anything for someone, as ive been in hospital too and i fully know archies situation, although he hasnt got a clue whats going on.

they did a scan on him to see fully whats going on in his little body, and the left side of his heart is worse than we expected, but not as bad as it could be. The arch is still narrowed, and they hope to just pop some bands and balloons in the left side to help it be that little bit stronger. But its going to be a tough couple of days, couple of weeks for that matter, because of what has to happen, but he is amazing, mum went to see him today and got to hold him, and he was fine.

I know for a fact that he is in the best place, i can trust bristol childrens with my life, if they havent given up with me for 9 years i doubt theyd ever give up on archie or any baby that goes there.

So yeah quick update guys
Archie-Jack McMillan, 24th of September, at 8:58pm.
7lb 13oz

i love you little man.

Stay rad guys
MK x

oh hey hows it going? | IM BACK, whats been happening?! \m/

HEY GUYS

have ya missed me... you probably havent, because i havent wrote a blog in like FOR EV ER.

sooooo, as you know i havent been writing at all really, im trying to speed up my recovery lmao!

I'm doing okay, im still quite sore here and there, i also get some pains in my chest at times but im so far recovering physically really quickly, the only thing is my emotional side is going to take longer obviously, because going through what i did and coming out of it not working again gets to me alot, and also being told that in 2 years time (fingers crossed if nothing goes wrong) ill be fixed with a pace maker. Slowly but surely the emotional side has hit me, and its going to, but i think this year has been really tough not just for me but for my family.

The thing i love about having such a strong family around me is that we dont go through things individually, we go through it together, and if you try to deal with things on your own, theres always someone thatll bring out the problems and help you through them.

So anyway not alot has been happening, i have started reading the Harry Potter book set, and im absolutely in love with them!! cant believe half the stuff they put in the book wasnt in the film, but you cant fit a whole book in a film which is what ive learnt after reading alot of books! But yeah im on order of the phoenix at the moment, i started reading them at the beginning of the month. Ive only really been wanting to read to help my mind go on something else, and then the family and i organised to go to WARNER BROTHER STUDIOS again!!!! absolutely in love with the place, it makes me feel like a child and its so fun to look around the whole place! my mum is definitely excited to go. Its a couple of days before my results (which im already worried about) so itll let me have some calm time before i get them, hopefully i get in next year lmao.

Apart from that, not alot has been happening, weve all had a bit of an emotional month, and its only going to get worse before it gets better, and i dont think alot of people realise that saying. Alot of the time i see people hoping that when something goes bad it automatically just gets better straight after it, when in reality nothing gets better straight away, it takes strength and courage to make things get better, and it does take time. When i was younger i used to be such an asshole, i used to mouth off at people on facebook, and i tend not to do that anymore, because well when your younger (and especially with the school i went to) it was all about hierarchy, and who had a bigger mouth, but really i wasnt that big, i wasnt all mouth i did actually have some times when i thought what the hell am i doing with myself, by mouthing off at people at school and on facebook it made me out to look like a fucking idiot to be honest, and by the end of it alot of my 'friends' completely forgot me when i left, the same with being in college, you have the first couple of friends you make, and then after being off for a while you start to realise who actually cares, and who actually matters.

Ill always be nice to the people who are nice to me, but when it comes to the point where i dont think they want to be bothered with i wont bother with them back, and thats what i learnt growing up, i had to grow up quickly with what was happening in my life, but in the long term i think its made me a better person in a way, i have alot more respect for certain aspects and things in my life, and i dont take a lot for granted, but at the same time i stand up for myself and dont take shit from people. My family have been a great help with that, theyve tried to keep my anger at bay because its good to have to flip out at some people who dont give a shit, or think they can act bigger, but theyve also taught me how to respect and care for others in alot more friendlier fashion than i used to.

This is the thing, you can have many friends throughout life, for your WHOLE life, but family will always stay forever, whether you fuck up or you dont. Yeah okay some family members can be a pain in the arse, and some of them you want nothing to do with, but in the end of it all you wont have anything stronger than the bond and love of your family.

Dont take people for granted, dont let yourself be treated like an object, and always keep your head held high, because theres no point in letting other people get you down, itll show that your weak and that they have won...

Sorry for the deep blog, but ill be doing daily ones now!! yaaaaaaaay \m/


STAY RAD
mk xx

Day one Bristol | what a busy ass day \m/

So hey guys...

I left my house at 9:00 this morning to get to Bristol for Archie's next scan, we discovered that his heart is growing and the left side is still small but definitely growing with the right, by the time that was done it was 12 o'clock so we had some time to kill as my appointment wasn't until 4!

There was a vintage shop called loot just by the car park, so we went in that and I bought a new vintage jacket!! 

I don't know who the team is but it's a pretty comfy ass jacket tbh, for £20!! 

Anyone who visits Bristol don't go round the expensive shops and go to the vintages! There's a lot more than you realize tbh! And I love this jacket it's so warm and cosy. 

As you can see the photo is of me back at home, basically what has happened is the hospital is so full with babies and toddlers that they were gna pay for a room at the premier inn, and I just thought to myself yano what I'll just go home. 

For me I'm happy enough giving my room to a baby who needs it or twins or whoever, anyone that's more serious than me, my operation isn't till tomorrow and I'm second on the list so I don't have to be that early! 

Seeing all the mums stressed out today over there babies, and other mums not being able to get rooms for there babies is upsetting, because they're worried about there well being and also the fact of the hospital being short staffed so all the nurses are running round mad trying to look after babies and toddlers. Me being older id happily give up my room for anyone that's worse off... They need help!

So yeah I'm back home but I'll be in tomorrow morning for theatre, have to wake up at 4:30 to get my shit sorted lol!

I'll try keep you all updated. 

Stay rad mk xxx

Sorry for the late blog | feeling worse and whats been going on \m/

so guys... i didnt do a blog yesterday.. OH SHIT

I truly apologize for the lack of blog yesterday, as i had a pretty busy ass day!!

Well i didnt have as many tachycardias as i did the other day but i think because i was keeping myself busier than i usually do, me mum and my brother went shopping in matalan for some pyjama clothes and slippers and what not, which was nice, it took me a while to get round the shop because there are SO many nice clothes, and vintage dresses! i actually bought myself one...\/\/\/

They were so lovely but they cost so much! but yeah besides from that dress i just got a couple of PJ's and slippers and a bright blue dressing gown! its so bloody comfortable. I ALSO got surprised by our family friend Ricky who turned up hiding behind a clothes rail, i havent seen him in a while and it was nice to see him before i go in, he stayed for a bit then went with ciar to his appointment at the hospital...

hes been getting this zappy thing on his kidneys and its pretty painful, but we dont know why his kidneys are creating stones...

After that i got a bit tired, cause i think my heart was doing its thing without me knowing so its tired me out in its own secret way -.-

So we got home and ricky came back for a bit too, then my friends becky and jess turned up which i loved to see them, because i havent seen them in a while, and it was good to see them before my operation, we had a chat and now were all addicted to the app hay day lol, which is a farm app.

Anyway we had a nice chat and started watching a film in the library, then they went home. After that i just went to bed, i was so tired, and i still am so tired, today feels like its going major slow, i have a massive headache and im just extremely exhausted and i dont know why.

This morning my tachys decided to get rid of themselves in a really weird way, the breathing way i get rid of them kind of did it itself and it felt strange but good in a way meant i didnt have to get up and do it myself. Im not doing much today apart from just getting my bag ready and all the other bits.

Dont know if i feel emotionally drained, or if i just feel exhausted, cant believe i go in tomorrow though. Ill try to update this as much as i can, and maybe get a few pictures of me under drugs lol.

Really sorry that this one is so short and boring lol, i havent been doing much as ive been getting worse.

Stay rad, MK xxx

oops 4 days till bristol (MESSED UP MY DAYS!:() | people opinions and what matters \m/

I'm such an idiot, literally... I thought i was going into hospital on Tuesday and im not, im going in on Wednesday! Seriously messing my days up, cant believe its coming closer so quickly.

HEY GUYS ITS 7:36 ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOOOOOOOOON !! 

I havent had the best day, on tops ive had about 12 tachy's and theyre getting annoying, today ive been monitoring my palpitations on a doppler, that mums to be use (ash gave me hers), and its weird to see my heart beat go from resting (sort of) at about 80 to go to 160-170 in the matter of about 3-4 minutes. It scares me tbh, and because its so quick its weird feeling and i do this weird breathing thing to make it go away, i dont know how it works but it does. I used to have to use a glove, and blow into it like its a DUI test until it goes away... But its tiring me out majorly, because its so quick here and gone its making my body go OMG SHOULD I WORK HARDER NOW OR DO I JUST STAY NORMAL. i still dont think my body is completely educated on how my heart works, and now weve realised im exactly like a black bird. Their wings move really fast, but they move really slow... My heart moves really fast, but i move really slow...

Ive been waking up at 6ish every morning with the first tachy of the day, and thats pretty annoying cause half the time it takes me a while to go back to sleep. Irritating as fuck!! Then i get back to sleep about 8 and wake up at about half 9 again, so im not really sleeping well at all... i should be smart and start going to bed earlier but i dont lol, obviously my advice to other people doesnt work on myself.

BUT ANYWAY.... my day today has been boring tbh, i got up this morning, and me and me mam was going to make a pie but we ended up not doing it cause we were both so tired. Instead i moved the xbox into the living room to play some games, but then i played like 10 minutes and i couldnt be bothered to carry on.. so i turned that off, so i turned to netflix, and i wanted to put AHS on but i didnt because again i couldnt be bothered, but i found another film...

Gothika! Halle Berry and ROBERT DOWNEY JR.. mmmmmmm!
My reaction was basically WHAT THE HELL... was so confused on what the story was but it was amazing! basically it began with Halle Berry being a psychiatrist and shes dealing with a patient who says she is being raped by the devil (i know pretty creepy) but yeah so that was one of her patients... and all of a sudden it went from one extreme to another!!! She found a girl on the way home, in the rain, and she bursts into flames and transfers into Halle Berrys body... anyway not going to explain the whole thing... Halle berry's husband run the institute, and she killed him (but being possessed by the girl not her actually doing it) and then she found out later on that he was raping and killing patients in the institute in a barn that they used to go on holiday to, and it was just so messed up, this ghost was forcing her to go and find out the ghosts story! it was amazing... these sort of films make me believe that that sort of stuff is out of there... and then we watched the AMAZING film stigmata!! absolutely love that film because its about demonology!! one of my favorite subjects...

Demonology is the study of demons and the devil, but the thing is you have to know your religious studies to understand demonology, but i absolutely LOVE the subject, its so bloody interesting!!!! i wish there was a study here that i could do, but its only in america and it costs SHIT loads of money to do online! i also love Crimonology, Criminal Forensics, and Greek mythology, lol i have a weird range of studies id love to do!!
 >>I wish i did separate science so i could do it in AS and go to uni to do Criminal Psychology and Forensics, but i screwed that up in tewkesbury lol! << AND ANYWAY!  so yeah i love that film!

I havent done anything else really...

BUT i do have something to rant about... my brothers fiance ash wrote a blog the other day, and yes i am having a NEPHEW which is so cool, but ill tell the story now before the rant..

Ash had a scan at 20 odd weeks and found out that archie (Nephews name) has a problem with his heart (i know convenient right) talking about my heart i just had another tachy.. TACHY NUMBER 13!!! >> anyway, arch was diagnosed a couple of days after with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, and some small narrowing of an arch on the heart... So everything ash has been thinking about is being as good as a parent as she can to Arch as she can.

SO, on her blog she said she wanted to be the 'perfect parent' for arch! and thats understandable, anyone who finds out theres something wrong with their unborn child they want to do the UPMOST best for him! and thats perfectly fine to be honest..

Ash posted it on her facebook to get some people to read it, which is what ive been doing... and then people decided to fucking comment on it saying 'no one is a perfect parent' ?

well i went from naught to 360 literally! i got so angry, when your a young parent which both my brother and ash are, they get scared from the fact theyve found out somethings wrong with my nephew, as me and my family and ashs family have... But for fucking people who dont even understand whats going on to comment saying 'no ones a perfect parent' well EXCUSE ME...

ash and ciar have every right mind to be a perfect parent to my nephew! and btw if you havent noticed its a blog where you can express yourself with no one having their stupid opinions on it, not a facebook status..

What matters is that Ash and Ciaran want to be parents that are perfect for archie, not the other way round, he will get so much love and care from the family around him but ash and ciar will be amazing parents! as ciar has helped me through so much with my heart, and has ALWAYS always been there... so i cant imagine what hes going to be like with his own son, yeah its going to be hard but theyll get through it and the specialists nowadays are brilliant with what they can do..

What really matters, is family, family is what matters, family is the root of the tree of life, no matter what happens to you you always ALWAYS come back to family, yeah i have problems with family, everyone does, but family always has your back no matter what.. i cant imagine my life without my mum, shes been a rock to all of us, and all of my friends also! alot my friends can probably remember the times shes been there through TEEN PREGNANCY SCARES lol! She is genuinely amazing, and shes the strongest woman i know...

My grandparents were the same to my mum and uncles, and like i said life only gives you one chance, one chance to make a true living out of why youre here, so make it worth it by loving the people that love you back, and by giving that love and care to other whos need it. I love my family, and i have so much respect for people who grew up without the proper support there for them, i really do...

My favorite quote is >>A certain darkness is needed to see the stars<< and what that means is you have to go through some shit to see the importance in why life is worth it... and i think everyone in the world can happily say theyve been through enough to see how important and valuable life is.


sorry for the deep blog guys, way too long but wanting to explain the day and have a deep and meaningful rant about things..

STAY RAD mk xxxx

4 days till Bristol | cooking & old pictures! \m/

TheyWhat up guys!

So today hasn't been great, my heart has had many flutters and I'm feeling major week but I'll be all good! Or should be at least lol, I've had 5-6 so far, feel like something's trying to break out of my chest!! It's a tough situation but have to get through it!

Done some therapy type things today like baking! Made some caramel shortcake although I kept trying to eat all the caramel out of the tin... 

It was pretty successful if I don't say so myself, mum did supervise me and kept an eye on me, although I did get flour ALL over me! I didn't mean to I just always rub my hands on my trousers without knowing!

Last night we also had a look at some old photographs my mums got in a blue bag, a few of them were hilarious, my brothers dressed up or me and my cousins.. Then I found this cute one of my grandma and grandad 

They look pretty cool, I used to love the fashion back then, it was so groovy with the big shirts and baggy trousers, i wish people still dressed like that instead of what some kids dress like now a days, but yeah this was when they were alive think before I was born maybe, I only met my grandad though but the stories everyone has told me about peg makes me think she's pretty awesome! 

And today were gna go through the whole bag and sort it out into piles, I'm excited!

I've gotta say I do feel freaked out now that I'm off my meds, it does feel very unsafe and I hate to say it but I wish I was back on them! It just feels like he (my heart) can go whenever he likes, and it's kind of like waiting for the worst to happen but as the title says only four more days...

At this precise moment in time I'm watching this documentary about an ex army dude walking the length of the amazon (which is pretty damn long, I can't even walk a couple of metres let alone the amazon!) and what he's being out through living off the land is amazing! I mean I've watched bear grylls but he's doing it on purpose to show people what to do when they're in danger, but this dudes doing it with no extra camera team or anything ! It's unreal, I could never do it... That's physical and mental strength being questioned during a journey like that.. I'd love to be that adventurous but I don't think id last a day lol, he has to spend 28 months there!!! Insane..

Anyway again nothing interesting guys but I'll write something interesting soon!! Could someone give me some ideas to write about ?! Would really help!!!

STAY RAD mk xxxx

5 days till bristol | Well havent i had an eventful day \m/

Hey hey guys!! Its 7.19 pm!

so glad you all enjoyed my last blog today, doing those questions i apologies now for the black writing, dont know why it did that, like i said in the thing i did it on my ipad... did i say that? im not actually sure, but yeah i did it on my ipad and copy and pasted some questions so the font probably changed it... SO SORRY!!!

So today has been successful! i got my book from the library today!! its about signs and symbols as you can see <<<<< it seems really interesting! ive always been interested in symbiotics! think Da Vinci would be proud of me lol. so yeah i got my book today and ive only read the introduction because its such a big book, i have it for 3 weeks but ill have to renew it and hopefully my criminology book is going to be ready before i go into hospital... although the nurses may think im a weirdo having a criminology and signs and symbols books, but then again i think theyll be freaked out with Bronson books, let alone teaching myself criminology!

But yeah, it teaches me the signs and symbols over the ages before christ, ani domini (or whatever) and some times during christ was there, it also teaches me some symbols from witchcraft and such. Tells me there origins and why they were made! its pretty interesting tbh!

Anyway apart from getting my book today, i was also told that my mum is off for 4 weeks again from work, shes got nerve damage from her arm, and its kind of sad because she has been of work for a while, and shes getting cabin fever i reckon! So yeah we found that out, but shes okay about it, i guess it has to happen for her to get better! but she needs to stop the gardening and cleaning the house otherwise she wont get fixed at all...


ANYWAY besides from that, i did some studying (of my symbols etc) and then ais decided to make a blog, so which is pretty good as shes going through a lot too, so its good for her to get everything out too... this is her blog >>>> Ais's blog!! but yeah so i helped her set up her blog which was pretty interesting, told her not to put everything on it all at once lol!!

Then i met up with lewis about 6 at the pub and he had a couple of pints and i had a few drinks, which was nice just to sit in the sun (what was left of it) and chat, it was really lovely actually. I havent seen him all week and its lovely to catch up outside instead of indoors where we usually are. i really have missed him, i miss him especially when alot happens during my week and hes had his first week at work! which is nice, finally he has a job that isnt on agency seen as they messed him over!

Apart from that thats all my day has really been to be honest! i havent really got alot to say today, i have been okay today, but i did some walking and it did damage me a little, i mean my heart kind of went 'HELLO IM STILL HERE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT' so i think he wants me to chill a little and not do too much lol! I also have a bruise coming up where that bloody nurse did the echo on my chest! she dug in like she was trying to find some buried bloody treasure, digging into the middle of my front rib (which is sensitive anyway!) and then she moved to under my boobie and to the side and i woke up this morning and it bloody killed!

But yeah apart from those two things ive been all good! Just chilling now having a drink with lew as hes discovered he enjoys rum just like my mother! which is an awful combination in a way lol... its all good though cause hes having a good time.

Hope everyones good! 370 odd people reading my blog! amazing, and people from around the country is crazy as hell. lovely to see people are interested in my blabbering!


STAY RAD mk xxx

Questions to keep me busy! | \m/

Hey guys so I said yesterday with my last blog that I was gna do some questions to pass the time, it may be long but hey oh you're either interested or not! I have opinion on things and if that's a problem then I'm sorry but my opinion lol, doesn't necessarily have to matter!

Sorry for it being so long! Hope ur all good xoxo

Get Curious!

1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Closed because I feel safer, is that weird?

2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?

Umm I haven't stayed in a hotel long enough to do so! Why do people do that anyway?

3:Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

Omg this is a question for my brothers and his friends... Many times back in the day my brother ciar and his friends always used to go on the piss... On the wall home they'd bring a sign every time for my mum lol.. It started off with small signs such as 40 or whatever but then there was the medieval sign lmfao, I couldn't handle it... Hilarious though! This was about 5-6 years back

4:Do you always smile for pictures?

Um, not really I hate my teeth they have a weird sort of dent in the front, and aren't straight so I kind of pout smile!

5:Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

No lmao I rarely walk, I can never be bothered

6:What is your Song of the week?

Carry on my wayward son is my song of every week of my life *fangirling*

7:What do you drink with dinner?

Usually some juice, but I don't really drink with dinner am I supposed to?

8:What is your favorite food?

Hmmmm, pasta... Everybody knows that, I might as well be Italian

9:Which movie could you watch over and over and still love?

Probably frozen, or any Disney film

10:Last person you kissed/kissed you?

Lewis lol

11:Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

No god no lol! I think I tried it once, but that epicly failed...I'm not calm enough apparently

12:Can you cry on command?

No lol, it hurts my face

13:Are you loyal?

Yes of corse

14:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Um probably to lewis on his birthday (ha GAAAAAYYY)

15:Favorite kind of sandwich?

Probably a cheese and ham baguette or toaster

16:Best thing to eat for breakfast?

Probably weetabix or scrambled egg

17:What is your usual bedtime?

Usually like 12 Cus I get distracted by YouTube

18:Are you lazy?

Can be sometimes

19:How many languages can you speak?

One, but I wish I could speak Latin :(

20:Are you stubborn?

I definitely can be! Especially when it's to do with something important

21:Are you afraid of heights?

Um, sometimes usually I'm not.. When we went to Ireland on a Holiday I went on the carrickerreid rope bridge, and it was terrifying.. Doesn't help it's just a plank of bloody wood

22:Do you sing in the shower?

Yes lol, I don't mean to but it kind of happens, or I lip sync..so glad there is a lock

23:Do you think musicals are cheesy?

No I love the Disney musicals!!!!

24:Is Christmas stressful?

Yes sometimes, I can't choose what to get!

25:Ever eat a pierogi?

What the hell is that

26:Favorite type of fruit pie?

Apple mmmmmm

27:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

A tTtoo artist (yes I wanted to be a tattoo artist when I was a kid) I loved drawing so much, and I watched the shows too all the time

28:What do you wear to bed?

My birthday suit

29:Who would you like to see in concert?

Definitely DEFINITELY BMTH, or bullet 

30:What was the last concert you saw?

Pink like 4-5 years ago 

31:Tea or coffee?

Tea, but usually iced tea, I've gone off hot drinks :(

32:Do you want to get married?

Yeah at some point!

33:Do you want kids?

Yeah of corse, if I get fixed lol

34:What’s your favorite part about today so far?

Um, doing nothing lol, going to the library in a bit! 

35:What are you doing tomorrow?

Seeing my feends before my operation!

36:What are you doing next week?

Having an operation lol I'm so boring gawsh!

37:Have you ever tried sushi? (Did you like it?)

No I haven't and I never will!

38:How do you like your steak cooked?

I don't eat steak, am I weird?

39:What do you like least about yourself?

Probably the fact I like food so much

40:Who’s your best / closest friend?

My momma, becky, jess and MA NIGGA

41:Who do you trust with your secrets?

Lewis and my mum

42:Which friend would you go to in an emergency?

Probably jess cause she's the most sensible out of all of us

43:What was the last text you sent?

It was to Lew saying have a good shift!

44:Does anyone hate you?

I feel a lot of people probably hate me but hey ho!!

45:How did you meet your spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend?

On msn, lmfao!! And I didn't get catfished ;)

46:Would you rather live in the countryside or in the city?

Country definitely, always reminds me of Ireland!

47:Ever had a detention?

Yes, many... Woo go being an asshole in school!

48:Which swear word do you use the most?

Fuck mostly, fuck, fucking... Shit I say a lot as well

49:Ever cried at school?

Yeah many of time lol!

50:Who is the most intelligent person you know?

Probably jess again, she's smart as fuck

Here's a few serious ones ;) again sorry for it being so long but I'm BORED

1:Close your eyes and think of five things that make you smile when you think about them. What are they?

lewis, my family, food, my books, my dog... Yeah that's five

2:If your house was on fire and you had sixty seconds to leave, what would you take with you?

My phone, iPad and charger... And then some of my favourite books... All my books if I could :(

3:When you're alone in the middle of the night and you can't quite get to sleep, what do you think about? "Going to sleep" doesn't count.

I kind of think of how my life is going, is it going well? Is it not? At the moment I'm thinking about going under anaesthetic next week before I go to sleep

4:What is love to you?

Love is when you care so much about someone, and they care back

5:What is the opposite of love?

I wouldn't say hatred but in some sort of way yeah, hate is a strong word, the same as love but I don't think they're opposites, you can hate someone that you have to love.

6:Is it possible to love someone if you don't love yourself?

I don't honk so, if you love someone and they love you back, and they show that they love you, it's just enough for you to be happy with yourself knowing they love you for who you are

7:Do you believe mutual attraction based on mutual hatred is possible?

I don't even know what that means, too many words

8:Is it better to have something amazing and lose it or to never have had it to begin with?

I had something amazing and lost it, but I got it back... I think you should always give things a try because you may never get the chance to later on in life

9:Do you focus more on the past, the present, or the future?

The present, I never think of the future, it worries me too much

10:Do you judge people for what they wear or how they express themselves?

Oh god no lol. I love it when people are so open! So full of life

11:Do you believe in individuals over generalisations?

Again... Too many words

12:When you're very scared or worried, what do you think about or do to help you feel better?

My mums still got my back

13:How do you feel about what happens after death?

I don't think when you die you die, I reckon it depends on how you die... And what you want to do with your spirit, if you want to be put to rest and just leave then the spirits will do so, but if you have unfinished business, or you want to keep an eye on people you love then do so too! It's how strong your spirit is and what YOU want to do with it

14:Would you rather live a hedonistic life full of good things that make you feel good even if they're bad for you, or a healthy life centered around treating your body like a sacred temple and watching your health as closely as possible? Or do you not care either way?

I'm not really fussed

15:Do you think you can tell a lot about a person from the way they express themselves or answer questions like these?

Yeah I think so, you can't really tell through questions though unless you meet them!

16:Do you have any special or magical memories you'll always have with you?

Probably that time I tried to teach myself how to skate and crashed into a lampost (I still have the scar) or when me my brothers and my cousins are doing row row row your boat.. Or any memory with my grandad

17:How would you define yourself, without saying your name or giving a physical description of yourself or your obvious personality?

Strong but weak

18:When do you feel truly at peace?

When I'm in the bath with a book!

19:Do you like having your worldview or opinions challenged or questioned?

Yeah I do enjoy it. I love writing essays or paragraphs about things!

20:Do you believe happiness can exist without sadness?

Yeah truly, I think happiness can exist at one point without sadness, but it'll always come back to sadness

21:Is there a reason for existence?

God that's a major question... Probably, 

22:Do you think the world existed before you did?

I'm not that important lol! Corse I think it did

23:Do you believe people need breaks from each other, even if they're deeply in love?

Yeah I think so, especially if your both going through a lot with each other or your going through separate things!,

24:What do you find most beautiful in people?

Their personalities, and when they are open and don't care what people think!

25:Do you take questions like these literally or pick up on what they really mean?

I mean I don't take the Seriously but I do enjoy questions! 

So anyway! I'll be doing y daily post at about 6-7 like I usually do! I hope you guys have enjoyed reading such a long bloody thing... If you even read it! Amazing that so many people are reading my stuff now! If there's anything people want my opinion on id love to help! Leave a comment!

Speak to you guys later! STAY RAD mk xxxxx

6 days till bristol | what happened at pre-op! \m/

Soooooo hey guys

I went for my pre op today as you guys know, nothing interesting happened just the normal tests such as ECG, echo and height and weight! All's good! also had a wee chat with the doctor about whats going to happen and stuff and having a chat about how im feeling towards it, im stopping my tablets tomorrow which will probably have an effect on alot of things such as going out for walks and stuff the next couple of days but hey ho all part and parcel of what i have to deal with!!

I do enjoy going to bristol, the people there are so nice and they really have a welcoming personality and are absolutely great with the kids there!!

The thing that upsets me is seeing all the kids going through things they dont understand, when im old enough to understand it all! in all my time going to Bristol there have been babies as young as 4 months old in their with pace makers or hooked up to machines, and in a way i feel a bit better because i can deal with the pain and i know whats happening to me, when those babies have no idea!

The thing i love as well, is that the kids have so much life in them no matter what they are going through, they are still giggling running about and getting into trouble, the thing i hate is seeing the parents so tired and run down by what theyre going through. I just wanted to hug most of the mums today with the young kids, but obviously that isnt acceptable lol.. My mums alot like them in a way but because im older she has to act strong for me to be okay, i appreciate my mum alot for how much shes gone through with me and i know i can be a pain in the arse with it all but i know shell always have my back!

I met this nice spanish lady today who did my ECG, and she was hilarious!! for some reason i couldnt relax for the machine to take my ECG properly, and i felt majorly bad because i kept tensing up, i couldnt help it i just dont do well sitting still or not talking lol! we eventually got there though whilst i was being distracted by bright colours of the drawings on the wall...

I enjoy going in because in the clinic it feels like a community and ever patient that walks in you know their story just by looking at them, and the hurt you see graved into their face, but everyone seems to be on good form especially with the hilarious nurses! its the same on the ward, another kids helper nurse called Michelle asked if i wanted to take a tour of the ward today, and i was like no its okay i could probably do the tour myself, she definitely understood what i meant lol!

I have a girl younger than me going in before me on wednesday, and she seemed okay but scatty/happy to try and keep her mind off it, i completely understood how she felt, didnt want to get myself involved though as itll be the same day as me, and i didnt want to scare or belittle her, she was alot younger than me maybe 14, but she seemed lovely! and i hope she is okay during the operation!

Like i said i do love going into the hospital, its the operation i hate, i mean i dont mind it actually, its over pretty quickly although it would of been a long time.. i hate the going under, i hate the aneasthetic, its just awful the though that you may not even wake up. i know its horrible to think that way but when your going through something as serious as heart or major organ operation you think that way.

BUT HEY HO! im enjoying life right now :) and its the same operation as every other last time (2007,2011,2012,2013 and now..... 2014!!!) so i shouldnt worry too much!!

Anyway! SO many people read my blog yesterday! glad people are interested... i also have a page on facebook Megan kate Blogger! FB <<< if people could like it! and maybe message or post things theyd want me to write about! in the next couple of hours ill be answering some questions that people have put on tumblr, just to pass the time lol!! 

Hope everybody is GOOOOOD:) MK xxx

7 days till bristol | update on how im doing !! \m/

 So hey guys!
Anotha day anotha dolla << as you can see i'm so mainstream in my picture..

Its 6:57pm on a Wednesday afternooooon, and its quite sunny outside surprisingly.

I had a friend who i havent spent time with in AGES stay over last night, and it was such a lovely evening! we had noodles for tea, and watched this documentary called 'Murdered by my Boyfriend' dont

know if anyone has seen it... its about a woman called ashley (which isnt the real girls name in the case study) who had years of abuse from her boyfriend reece (again not his real name) and the first months they met she fell pregnant with his child, she wanted to abort because she was only 17 and in college at the time (i could relate) but he didnt want her too, but thats not when the abuse started... they had a small argument like all relationships do (amen) but he threw her against the wall of a room because she was trying to get his attention and it kind of got worse from there... She eventually got away after like 2 years or so i think, but then she went back to him after a friends hen party in Leicester, where she slept with someone else, obviously he was going to bug her about it, and keep asking who it was and if she actually did it... so this went on for a while, and then by the end he came home drunk, and was asking her and getting angry about if she did it or not.. And eventually she said yes she did sleep with someone and as you can guess it went from there and he ended up killing her, it took 4 years for her to die!

I agree that this program needed to be shown, i mean it gives so much awareness of people under the same abuse whether its a man or a woman, in my opinion the show should of gone further than just one episode! fair play to the person who made the episode had to read the case study of that particular story, which could cause so much sadness in that person. But someone has to be the good guy and raise awareness on this sort of thing...

a lot of people have an opinion on it being just about women getting abused but its not ladies and gents, its men too and i fully agree that men being abused should be raised aswell as women, alot of people find it disgusting and degrading that a man could hit a women, but some people say that women hitting men is fine because they cant do that much damage? Domestic abuse isnt just about the physical side of things, its the mental, and what effect the opposite person has mentally on their other half, people can get pretty messed up over constant hurt of feelings.

Anyway apart from that, we watched that then went to bed, then today we both went into town for a few bits and bobs! I bought some hair dye for the first time, and mum did some food shopping and shampoo shopping etc. Unfortunately my friend had to go to work at 5'oclock:( so i had the rest of the day to me and my mum:)

After that, i watched the first episode of the new series im watching American Horror Story (AHS), because i finished Orange Is The New Black (OITNB), i enjoyed it even though it was really creepy and extremely fucked up and weird, but ill be happy enough to carry on watching it.

I ALSO discovered how much of a bloody rip off the PC version of Elder Scrolls is!!! its absolutely ridiculous, i was about to download it onto my computer, when i discovered that i could have a 30 day free trial... Apparently, you cant have a 30 day trial without putting your billing information in and already ordering a subscription!! and dont even get me started about the subscriptions, they are absolutely ridiculous... try to make it seem like its so damn cheap but once you work it out on a calculator it isnt at all!! Apart from that ive had a pretty good day...

Tomorrow is my pre-op for my operation, which basically means i go in get a load of tests done and talk to my doc about my op and whats going downnnn! This means a 6:30 wake up call, a 7:15 leave onto a heavy trafficed motorway and a 8:45 appointment which will probably last about 15 minutes. I am worried to see what doc cock has to say, but other than that im okay... i mean i cant get any worse can i lol?

Anyway, so glad to see ive had 50 odd people looking at my blog, really helps to know that people enjoy reading me blabbering on about my life! would be nice if people could comment aswell, let me know how your all doing and what youd like me to write about!!


All is well, MK! xxx

8 days till Bristol | and info \m/

Hey guys sorry i haven't been updating recently from my blog before, introducing myself and all. Been a busy bee trying to sort out my suitcase etc and tidying up the garden..

Its 7:14pm on a tuesday, and at this precise time im sat on the sofa watching At Worlds End for the 100th time since it came out, my mum seems to think its a good film but ill always stick with the Shaun of the dead or Hot fuzz films.

I havent done much today apart from feel pretty crappy and also feel extremely tired. I helped mum with some gardening today as well, helped her to pull out some brambels and weeds, as she cant do it herself due to her damaged arm, she has tennis elbow and some other muscular problems.

The title of this blog is obviously 8 days till bristol, which means i have 8 days to get my shit into gear for my operation lol..

Obviously because im new on this alot of people dont know what i have and why im having an operation ill explain to you now!

(i want to explain everything to help people in the same position feel as though they are not alone whether they have the same thing i do or not)


Diagnoses and operations! | When and where! 

At age 8, i was diagnosed with Wolff Parkinson White syndrome, it is a condition where... (if you dont want to read about me blabbering on in a way that doesnt even explain it, just click this link!) >>>> WPW syndrome!

Its to do with the electrical pathways in the heart, and i have abnormal pathways in my heart between my atria and the ventricles, meaning i have extra beats than everyone else by the electrical beat going through the heart going through the extra bits and going stir crazy basically haha! this causing palipitations in the heart (meaning the heart goes faster) so as the normal persons heart rate is between 60-100 mines like a newborn and is between 70-200 which is extreme when i say it like that!

Anyway i was diagnosed with it when i was eight as i was having a check up for an ear infection, unbelievably so the doctor then decided to drop the bombshell hat i need to see doctors/specialists in bristol, and from there onwards its kind of been the same.. Going to my local GP to check my medicine signs and going to bristol to see my main doc and having operations.

Throughout my operations (ive had 4, this is the 5th) things have popped up on the way, theyve discovered i have Supraventricular Tachycardia (again link)>>>SVT im not going to explain that because its too difficult lol, and then they discovered i had Atrioventricular Reentrant Tachycardia (again again link)>>> AVRT Which basically meant my heart was over working extremely hard, and it caused problems with breathing etc.. After my first operation i was given meds, and theyve rose the dosage majorly and it turns out im on the highest dosage of the meds for my heart (Flechanide 150mg twice a day, Atenalol 25mg twice a day).

SO ANYWAY alongside all that technical bollocks! this is my fifth operation, and last time it didnt go really that well so im hoping that it goes okay this time! My operation is radio ablation through little tiny wires that go into my groin into the main artery in my leg and up to my heart through the vein, its very clever actually...

but anyway yeah so in 8 days ill be having all of that done which is pretty interesting, thought id share it with you all because i obviously want to start a proper blog, and if you guys are interested you should know alot about me!!

Sorry for such a LONG post but thought id explain myself!

Hope things are good with everyone! MK xx