11.22.63 / Book Log / spoilers maybe?

How bloody long has it taken me to finish this book? it became a burden after a while, but soon enough i got interested in it again. 8 weeks it took me, not just because it is such a big book, but because i wouldnt be able to sit and read a couple of chapters in one sitting. So much information!!

Everyone is a fan of conspiracy theories, i know i am, for many'a reason, its what makes things interesting, especially history. Every historical incident has a good amount of conspiracy theories with it. This book is based around a conspiracy theory, and the butterfly effect.

The Butterfly Effect is a concept in chaos theory, its the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a determinilistic non-linear system can result in a large difference in a later state. Now this may sound all complex and scientific, but it is extremely easy to understand.

This book contains history, science, mystery, fiction, and indeed horror, i mean it is a stephen king book, it wouldnt be one if there wasnt some type of extestential crisis going on inside it. Ive been a fan of King for quite some time now, although ive only recently got into reading his books, ive read Pet Semetary (well as much as my scarediness could handle), and Carrie, and have a few more to get through till i fully have an opinion of him as a writer, but this book was magnificent, it was alot different to his others, although its based in Maine as most (mostly all) of them are, and contains the general idea of his writing, but its just so different to the two ive read.

Before i go on, this book has been made into a TV show with James Franco as the lead character, i havent watched it yet and im planning to, but decided to read the book before hand, my boyfriend, he watched the tv series and we compared differences, and although it was pretty much on the same line there was many a difference to the book, as there always is. But i still want to watch the tv show just to see what its like as i love the book.

The story is based around a man called Jake Epping, who is an English teacher, he has a failed marriage, and is pretty much getting no where in life. Throughout the story there is so many types of lines of stories that are included and again brought up throughout the story. But a couple of main ones; The story of Harry Dunning, an older gentlement in Eppings English class, who wrote a story about the night his father killed his whole family, it was gruesome (just like stephen king likes), and ugly and horrible to read, but gave Epping an initiative later on to see what would happen if things were to change, i will get to that soon though. And the story of course of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

JFK was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald on the 22nd of November 1963, this in itself is a conspiracy theory, many have thought that Oswald wasnt the one who did it, it was the CIA because JFK was initially a naughty boy as a president and got himself into a lot of trouble because of his opinions of things, because he was the president, he was allowed to do so, and put actions towards his opinions. Many thought it was the Mafia, many even thought it was his drivers in his car. But in the end it always comes back to Lee Harvey Oswald, and his rifle. Although he was shot with a fatal wound shortly after the death of JFK, by Jack Ruby, so he could not speak upon the matter, so i guess no one knows but the government or the people with the paperwork. I dont know much about the subject, nor the history but this book has ALOT of information in it that adds up extremely well whether its been made up or not. I know Stephen King had to study and fork out alot of information before writing this book and i think it makes sense to why he has done, so he had every bit of factual history in order for it to come across as completely true.

Down the lines of this film, Epping has a friend Al Templeton who shows him the 'rabbit-hole' to the same date and time of a couple of years before JFK was shot, no one knows why but its there. Templeton asks Epping if he can go and do what he couldnt, because cancer caught up to him, and try and save JFK. Templeton was in Vietnam, and was indeed scarred by it, as alot of soldiers were, but thought that if JFK was saved, there would be no Vietnam. Who knows what caused Vietnam? who knows if JFK caused it, but in this story a big change happens, when Epping finally gets his way.

The story gets on, and Epping goes to save Harry Dunning, from his drunken abusive father, the past works against him, it doesnt want to be changed, it does everything and anything to stop Epping from changing it, such as giving him a bad stomach, giving him an accompliss who attempts to stop him, trying anything in the strength of the world to stop him from saving Harry Dunnings family because it will cause a serious problem in the Land of Ahead, if he changes things in the Land of Ago. The first time it doesnt work, but the second time it does, this in turn has caused a butterfly effect in the Land of Ahead, a serious one at that. Once this is done he moves on in his life.

The way he started getting his money was betting, obviously coming from 2011 Al wrote down all of the football games, baseball games, boxing matches and every other sport you could think of that could be bet on just so he could get some money during that era on gambling. Alas this got Epping into trouble because he didnt bet safe, he bet stupid amounts of money on the games and in turn got one of his houses burnt down, and later on in the film got himself nearly killed by a beating. But sooner or later he started to notice that gambling wasnt an easy income, he couldnt gamble all the time it was near impossible and unsafe for him to play that game, so because he was an English teacher in the Land of Ahead, he decided to become a subsitute one in the Land of Ago, in a school in Jodie.

During his time in Jodie, he was also living in certain houses which could easily keep an eye on Oswald when he shortly arrived  back from Russia, and then from Cuba later on. He always went back to his houses just to keep an eye on him, listen in on his conversations although most were in russian, witness the beatings that Marina got off him, and seen how he acted when it got closer to the important moment in history. He watched him constantly on and off when things were going well in Jodie, he saw June, Oswalds daughter grow, he watched Marina get comfortable with some russian neighbours, and he saw Oswald get close to, what Epping thought, was an accomplis. Epping didnt want to make a move, because of the amount of conspiracy theories surrounding the assassination of JFK, he didnt know if Oswald was a lone gunman or not, he wanted to make sure, hense the secretive mics in the lamps, and living close to him to watch his actions, he wanted to see if it was just him.

In Jodie he met Sadie, sadie was a beautiful woman the way King described her, she was tall, blonde, extremely clumsy but all in all a lovely girl. Epping obviously fell in love with her, the way their love unfolded was beautiful, it was such an amazing relationship they had going on, and alas because its a King book, it didnt last very long, there was lots of problems, the major one being Sadies ex-husband, or was still her husband but was seperated from him, he was psychotic, he never slept with her thought she was disgusting hated the thought of even looking at her, Sadie recalled to Epping that he actually put a broom between them in the bed because he was disgusted by her. Epping was worried, he had a feeling that the husband would come back and hurt Sadie but no one would listen to him, until he obviously came back and threatened to kill Sadie unless Epping would turn up so he could kill them both, at the end he disfigured Sadie cut her cheek wide open, and left some serious hospital bills and facial reconstruction to be done from it, then slit his own throat. Throughout this Epping decides to confide in Sadie about his mission, the fact he was from the future and proved it with his gambling skills, and the fact that he knew JFK was going to come into town and through the street he was killed on before anything was even decided, that proved it for Sadie, although Epping didnt tell her everything, he didnt want her to get attached or invovled because the past works against itself and has already got him in to trouble before, he didnt want her to get hurt too.

So pretty eventfull relationship i say, then Epping gets beaten up by gambling thugs, and is partially brain damaged, in a coma for a while and can barely remember what hes in that country for, he gets the Land of Ahead confused with Ago, he gets Sadie mixed up with his ex-wife, he believes he has something important to do but cant remember what and the last stages of the book it is all about him remembering, going to the places that will help him remember, and doesnt tell Sadie what he is actually remembering but Sadie soon finds out. Epping goes back to the house he lived below Oswald in, and then stays in Junes old bedroom the day before the incident, he wakes up to Sadie, there are the right time because if she wasnt he would of more than likely slept through it.

So both him and Sadie fight against the past in order to get to the Book Depository where Oswald was working and shot JFK at the time, and was faught against majorly, first by his Chevy's wheel completely breaking off its axel, then by a truck majorly crashing in to the bus they were attempting to take, they then stole a rusted busted old car into as close as they could to town and walked half the way until he found his old car, well not his but exactly like his in a different colour and thought it was the past harmonizing with itself, they stole the car and drove the rest of the way they could to the depository. They climbed the steps and low and behold Oswald was sat on the 6th floor left hand window with his rifle aimed at the car JFK was riding through the street, Epping and his .38 police gun missed twice whilst trying to aim for him, and unfortunately as Epping fell over whilst Oswald had his rifle aimed at him the shot went through and through Sadie, and unfortunately, it was only a consequence of the past not wanting to be changed. Sadie passed away because they changed an initial and most likely important part in history that shouldnt have been changed, as Epping soon found out when he went back to the land Ahead. Before doing so he got a call from the president and Jackie Kennedy herself thanking him for saving their lives, although for Epping it wasnt worth the fact that he lost the love of his life, it wasnt a fair trade, and he knew what to do.

Before heading back to the Land of Ahead, a man who was introduced in the first moments of Ago, the 'green, yellow, orange, and black card' man, was there waiting, the cards sooner or later were found out to be his psychosis, the way his mind was handling being on these different 'strings' of rabbit-holes in history. Two different men, one at the beginning was trying to stop Al and Epping when he got there to change the past, as it was tangling the strings of history and sooner or later those strings would snap, as the man at the end of the book told him, he told him that if he continued to change the differences in time, whether that be talking to a certain person, buying something from a shop, the likes of saving Harry Dunning, or saving JFK, whichever change, big or small it all has an effect, and if there is alot of changes in one timeline the effect it has on the Land of Ahead is excrutiating, and dangerous. When Epping goes back into the land of Ahead the world is completely different, the amount of differences there actually is, is ridiculous. Most of the world is radiated by the bombs that have been dropped by America, there are earthquakes on a daily basis, and weird sounds in the sky that could only be what the card man said, the world is being destroyed because of the different strings. He meets Harry Dunning for the last time, in this new Land of Ahead, and Dunning continues to tell Epping what the world has come to since the saving of JFK, and it was major, major enough for him to want to go back,  not just to save sadie but to save the world in general. The card man had told him he needs to come back and break the circle, but he didnt know which route to go down yet.

He chose that the only way he could do it was to break the circle, did he want the world he was living in now be destroyed just because a president had been assassinated? would it be the same with Lincoln? or Martin Luther King Jr? or any important person that was killed. All because an old chef, Al, didnt want Vietnam to happen. Vietnam had to happen, all the wars in my opinion had to happen or we wouldnt live in the country we lived in today. Epping did think that was someone else on other strings changing the world, hense 9/11 or the many terrorist attacks, or any of the world wars. He went back to the Land of Ago, a complete reset of that time, and did nothing but write the book i have read, he then buried it next to the river he threw his phone into, wrote a letter to sadie then ripped it up, wrote a letter to the school and deke warning them about sadies husband, but then burnt it. Many things he did in that time back in the Land of Ago, but not one thing changed the world that he had to live in, he let Harry Dunnings father kill his family, he let JFK die just as the history was supposed to happen, then went home.

As he was home he got his job back as a teacher, tried his hardest not to find Sadie, but in the end he did his research and found out that her husband did what he had to do, and scarred her for life, but she became citizen of the year in Jodie in 2011, and Epping soon found out they had a dance on, in which he attended, and met Sadie for the first time in the Land of Ahead. She had no idea who he was, but she felt as though he knew her from somewhere, but to Epping it didnt matter if she was 80, or scarred, she was alive, and thats all that mattered to him.

This book guys honestly, i know ive just ruined this story probably but you need to read it, it is a must read. Even if you dont like Stephen King i feel as though this book doesnt match to the other horrors hes wrote, its history at the end of the day. And after reading it its made me want to research the assassination, buy a bunch of books about it and study it, historical fiction makes me do that.

11.22.63 is a brilliant book and i advise anyone that loves history, fiction, horror, mystery, romance, any type of genre ever to read this book. Bring on the TV series! in my next blog i will be commenting on it once ive finished it!

At the moment im waiting for the new Harry Potter and the Cursed Child to arrive so i can read it, although im sat wondering if i should just start Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman, ill decide if it arrives tomorrow.

The other amazing thing thats happened, my FAVOURITE and i mean FAVOURITE book at the moment, American Gods by Neil Gaiman is being made into a TV Series also, ive already seen the trailer that was aired at Comic Con this year, and i nearly cried, im so excited it looks exactly what im expecting it to be but i doubt theyll put every story into it that is included in the book but the main story is enough for me, i really hope it turns out to be what i expect!!
The picture next to this paragraph is of a shot from the new TV series, it includes Shadow, Mr Wednesday and Mad Sweeney when they first meet eachother.

Stay rad!

MKM x

The Girl on the Train, and in the wrong place at the wrong time... ~ Book Log | spoilers maybe???? ~

I read this book in 4 and a bit days... 4 days people!!! That is the quickest i've ever read any book, and i swear it. i was obsessed. Can i just start off by saying that i didnt start the black dahlia, i apologise.

Secondly this is the most fucking fucked up fictional book that i have EVER read in my life. but it was so intriguing, the different lives and stories all conjoining into one.

It starts with one girl, on the train, literally as the title of the book says it begins with a girl on the train, the same trains she takes daily to a job she doesnt actually work at anymore, whilst drinking a hell load of alcohol (what a life aye). Rachel, but it isn't a great life, her life, later on in the book, when her memories come back... eventually, you find out that she was abused by her husband, who put the blame on her all the time after getting blindo drunk, telling her lies of the stories that happened the night before when it was really the other way round. It ruined her, he had an affair, with a girl he then moved in and got pregnant and married and closely fell in love with, which broke her. So she became more of an alcoholic than she planned to be, lost her job for coming in half cut one day and now lies to her 'friend' and landlord that she goes to work, takes the train to London every day.

Anyway... going back to the beginning Rachel takes the train every morning and evening, and the train stops at a specific stop right infront of the old street she should still be in, her ex-husband and now wife/old-mistress lives in, and another two faces she see's everytime she stops. She makes lives based around what they look and act like, and is witness to a suspect that may have been involved in the murder of Megan, the girl who she watches, and her boyfriend Scott. Megan goes missing, and is found a few weeks later buried in the forest just near to where she lived, she was pregnant as autopsies found out.

There are many chapters, i call them chapters but they are more like the storyline seperated into certain paragraphs, but each 'chapter' is a different persons version of the story, and it goes between Megan, Rachel, and Rachels ex husbands new wife Anna. They all have different aspects of the crime that was committed, especially closer to the end, the explanation and description of how megan died was horrendous both from Megan's perspective, and her killer, Rachels ex-husband Tom's perspective as he confesses infront of his two wives. Anna's story is based around the fact that shes terrified of Rachel, after the night Rachel visited her house and took her baby and stood in the back garden with her for no reason. Anna had no idea that Tom was having an affair, just like he had done with Rachel, right under Anna's nose, as Megan was a babysitter for their child for some time.


Anna's story concludes that after Anna started thinking about Tom's lies, she started to be suspicious, checked his computer, but nothing was on it, checked his phone, nothing. But as an argument occured between the two of them, Tom left to 'go to the gym', Anna found his gym back shortly after under the bed with a phone, in which had no battery left, after a brief moment of charging, she found that the harrassment call logs she kept in which she thought Rachel was contacting him didnt add up, and so she decided to ring the number calling that specific found, to soon find out it was Megan's voice. Meanwhile in Rachel's story, after a brief argument and fight with Megan's husband Scott, after trying to help him with the other man in Megan's life and lying to make it easier, she got home and that argument caused her to get some drunken memories back of the times with Tom in which he made up stories to make her feel bad, she also in that moment, remembered what happened to her on the fatefull night of Megan's death, she was there, and saw Tom walking up to her and smashing her head with something hard, (explaining the massive lump and blood on her hands), and then getting into a car with which at first she thought was Anna, but was actually Megan, in her red top and jeans (which she was found in), these memories coming back on the sofa of her apartment made her rush to Tom's house to confront Anna about the situation. A conversation starter really, 'did you know that my ex husband, your husband now, who cheated on me with you, may have had ANOTHER affair with your babysitter and also may have possibly killed her?' With a child on her lap, and Rachel flustered over the sudden rememberance of the past, Anna didn't know what to believe. Tom walked through the door and all hell broke loose. At first he tried to lie through his teeth, tried to make Anna believe in what he was saying, heck i think he even believed what he was saying but soon after Rachel tries to run the true Tom comes out, abusing Rachel again, chucking her back inside the house and basically keeping her prisoner. He soon confesses over what had happened with Megan, that she was pregnant with his baby and that Megan was not letting it go, and was not going to be a single mother again after what happened when she was younger, as she lost a baby by drowning in the bath by accident when she fell asleep, she was distraught to find that he didnt care and flipped out on him, he lost it, threw a rock at her it went badly, extremely badly so bad he had to 'finish it off', anyway as he was confessing this, Rachel soon tried to escape again, and Tom attacked once more, this time badly, he told Anna to go upstairs with the baby and stay there till he called back down, it flashes back and forth towards both sides of the story, Anna's and Rachels, Rachel soon got the better of him and attacked him back, and again tried to make a run for it but briefly got the hand on a corkscrew, she stabbed him, right there and then stabbed him, whilst Anna secretly rung the police and ambulance, and came back out and made sure the job was well done, she continued to screw the corkscrew in even more. The two wives, working together to defeat this inhumane man with the pain and suffering he caused many people.

I loved this book, it brought to light a lot of the things people dont speak about, domestic violence, alcoholism, loosing babies, affairs, and eventually murder, it brings alot of truths into a small book with a great story, and it hit hard when reading through it to think that women, and men, go through their lives in situations similar to the book, not so much the murdering side although it does happen to wives, ex-wives, ex-husbands mistresses and the like. I definitely 100% put forward this book for anyone who is a fan of mystery, murder, interested in people's lives and stories and can sit and read a book and not want to put it down because i didn't want to put it down at all. If it wasn't for me being busy at some points this weekend, i would have finished it earlier, but alas i was busy and finished it in 4 days, its a record for me in all honesty!!!!

Half of what ive wrote in this blog isn't even the full story its the briefest of briefts i have ever written about a complex story line, and i dont think i could of explained it any better, its the best individual book ive read in a while.

I've seen the trailer for the up and coming film, it has an amazing actress as Rachel in it, i hope she lives upto the role, i hope the whole film lives up to my expectations i know films made from literature dont sometimes, i just really have enjoyed this book and i hope to enjoy the film just as much. Just remember, the films are never as good as the books!

Hope you enjoyed my review, next is the biggest one yet. 11.22.63.

Stay rad!
mkm

I finished it... ~ Book Log & minor life information ~

After at least 2 years with the Rick Riordon Percy Jackson and Heroes of Olympus books, I have finished the series... I should start off by saying if your not interested in reading reviews of books, dont read this... and also its going to seem all over the place as im explaining my favourite parts of said series... back to the scheduled viewing.

I don't even know what to say, or to put into words how emotional and exciting and warming the whole series is.

I started reading the percy jackson series when it first came out, as i noticed it was wrote upon my favourite mythology, greek, not only that but it was a YA book, and everybody knows a YA book is so worth it 100%, its a guilty pleasure. So as i was saying, i picked up the first one and started reading it not realising how good it was until i re-read it a couple of years later, i lost my copy, so borrowed a friend of mines copy, and she had a couple of the next ones... i read them in atleast 3 weeks, 3 books in 3 weeks... i was obsessed, i had to buy my own set. Eventually i gave my friends copy back and bought my own Percy Jackson set, and re-read the books a third time just to get myself into the jist of it. As i came to the last book, my heart was out of my chest there was so many different types of cliffhangers, and heartache and parent-child relationship problems, and a massive amount of mythology, i felt my brain was going to explode! but allas i got to the last book, and had no more to read, i wanted more, i bought 3 textbooks of greek mythology afterwards and spent 2 months studying it (again, from being a kid) and studying it until i, myself, thought of moving to greece just to learn more and worship those gods, im not even religious! i believe more in the greek mythology and gods than i ever have done my own religion. They brought out the PJ films, and even though i do enjoy watching them, they aren't quite the books, they dont give the information needed, but they did slightly include thalia, although she was a tree at the time, and at the end of Sea of Monsters, she came back.. cliff-hanger in the film yet they haven't made another one??? annoying. Trust me folks, read the books!!!!!

As soon as i heard that Rick Riordon was writing another series of the Percy Jackson world, named Heroes of Olympus, at first i was skeptical as i was worried that it wasnt going to be the mythology i enjoyed, alas i bought the first two books read them wasnt interested in them until a couple of years later, and i was again obsessed with the series, the fact that it had a bunch of new characters in it, and the fact that they included the Roman sides of the gods, and thus their demi-god children, Jason, the son of Jupiter (Zeus' roman form) and is originally from Camp Jupiter, a very Roman version of Camp Half-Blood, Piper (soon found to be daughter of Aphrodite, completely different to other Aphrodite kids), and Leo (son of Hespheastus, found the hidden camp 9, with Festus, his bronze dragon), Hazel (a daughter of Pluto, Hades Roman form, died in the past, and brought back to the present by brother Nico), and Frank (son of Mars, Ares Roman form, and can also turn into animals, and is also half canadian half chinese, a brilliant character) what a great concept! I was so excited on where he took it, and thats when i met my favourite character of the series.. Leo Valdez, what an absolute babe, he was my favourite out of the HoO series, along with Nico Di Angelo. I wasn't a fan of Nico in the PJ series, he was extremely problematic, and i felt as though he wasn't explained enough, but in HoO he was included a lot more he was definitely an important character, and Rick Riordon introduced him half way through the series as gay, or bisexual, or confused.. I think definitely gay though, Cupid forced him to speak about his secret, his crush on Percy (HOW CUTE B T W ?) and how Percy broke him by promising to keep his sister, Bianca, alive by puttin her into the Hunters of Artemis, alas Bianca was killed, and Nico hated Percy for it, although he loved him alongside that, when Percy got with Annabeth, Nico was jealous, had a problem and throughout the HoO series there was that speculative problem (up until the Cupid encounter, when Jason found out) that he was in love with Percy, in the last book he confronts percy with this secret hes been keeping and walks away saying 'youre not my type', to a could be lover Will Solace, son of Apollo, again there was some serious dialogue and hints between them in the last moments of the battle... So Rick Riordon made a character i wasn't pleased about, to a character i loved, to even more loved by then continuing to describe him as a gay character! what a writer. Anyway moving on from that (i get distracted when talking about my favourite characters im sorry). The last book ended (before the last chapter) of Leo going up on Festus and destroying Gaia, whilst a comet mix of Octavian, explosive and Imperial Gold also hit the dragon, the earth mother, and my favourite character. I was devestated, both Nico and Hazel (who can sense death, i mean their dad is hades, theyve both been to the underworld... come on) agreed and put forward that Leo was dead, it was a different death as nico explained, but he was dead... The last chapter showed that Leo was dead, came back to life with the Physicians cure from Apollo and his Son, and was on his way to Calypso, like he promised. How romantic...

Another favourite part, maybe not for the characters but when Percy and Annabeth fell into Tartarus, what an explanation of the worst place in mythology, the gods and titans and monsters they found there, the pain and sorrow they went through, and the fact that they met Tartarus face to face, the explanation of the whole scene, the chapters that are wrote about their times in tartarus, the imagination it created in my mind, i wish my art was as good as it used to be, i would have drawn it, or would i even be able to. It was intense.

Both series are amazing, but i have to say after finishing HoO, it is by far my favourite series, the different types of characters with their different parents, the Greek/Roman gods fighting with eachothers sides, the insanity Gaia caused in some minor gods, and everyone else. It really brought up some different stories of the mythology i fell in love with, and stories and minor gods id never heard of before that i soon searched up to read about.


Well i apologise that after so long of NOT writing a blog, i wrote one completely out of the blue about a book series, but i feel as though this is what ill do with this blog now, there isn't anything interesting going on in my life at the moment but in this brief moment i have out of 'book lover mode'.

I finished college, my crminology course of 3 years is sadly over, and hopefully if i get the grade i need to, i will be taking it to University this september, my doctors (heart) have said that after 11 years, i can be on an appointments basis by only needing to see a doc when i need to, meaning that they trust my medicines and me enough by letting me live my life, basically given me permission on a golden platter that im atleast at my healthiest, but unfortunately technology isnt ready for me yet... Meanwhile being on a SlimFast diet for 2 weeks (upto my docs appointment) and walking a mile every morning, i lost a stone, for the first time in 3 years, ive gotten out of the 16 stone bracket, and now nearly in the 14 stone bracket if i keep working hard enough, which im pretty darn happy about, 2 good news in one day. Nothing else has happened recently, getting stuff ready for my brother Ciaran and his fiancé Aislings wedding, on the 2nd of July, their stag and hen dos are in the next couple of weekends, so thats going to be super fun, other than that nothing major has happened, nothing i can explain deeply enough for it to be interesting.


For people who are obsessed with books, i hope you enjoy this confusing and all-over-the-place review of the series i have finished, my next book is The Black Dahlia by James Ellroy, and i will be writing reviews of every book i read now. I have plenty to get through i tell you that.

To everyone else reading this hoping there was something interesting to find out about my life, nope, i apologise, nothing new here, but i hope you enjoyed the review to(soz).


STAY RAD HOMOSAPIENS. \m/
mkm

October. \m/

Ive wrote and re-wrote this a million and one times, and i dont think ive quite got the hang of going over everything yet, now im not going to go all doom and gloom on you, as it is my first favorite time of the year (both halloween and christmas this close together? WHAT CAN BE MORE GOOD). But its not like this has been the easiest start to the month me, nor my family have had.

As i spoke about in the september blog, which seems extremely long ago (apologies on my behalf), i was going in for my 'final' heart operation, final being the most stupidest opinion i could have on my health. Knowing me, i had a slight thought in my mind that maybe, JUST maybe this would work, maybe my luck would be upon me, and i wont have to deal with this retched thing anymore. Alas, my luck was not, as it never is, and im back to where i started. But its not entirely a bad thing as i will explain...

I went into hospital on the 24th of september, my nephews first birthday, in hopes that it would be the last time seeing the bloody place, i was first one in surgery and the last one out, 11 hours in total. (another couple to add to the time spent). The plan was to spend 4 hours on the left side of my heart, to see if there was anything extra that Doc may have missed, as that part was all cobwebbed up for the last 3 years since my last Doc took a look, then ablate the AV node and fit a pace maker, easy as pie aye? Unfortunately 4 hours on the left side turned into 8, twisting and turning round the canals in my heart with tiny wires trying to look for the problem they once knew was there, but all of a sudden (like i said knowing my luck) it had disappeared, whereas a year before Doc knew 'EXACTLY' where it was. So 4 hours turned into 8, and 8 hours eventually turned into 11, with the panic of my heart basically thought 'FUCK IT NOPE NOT TODAY'. My heart decided to swell up, and my blood pressure dropped to an unstable level, so the plan of fitting a pacemaker went out the bloody window. My Doc (lets call him M) was accompanied by my old Doc (and him S) who has been treating me since my diagnosis at 8 years old, and my old Doc made the decision to stop, and not go forward with the original plan, which im more happy with, as he basically saved my life initially, by not fitting one. Now i appreciate everything my Docs have done for me, but i basically agreed to have this operation in order to get a pacemaker fitted and have this finally out of my system and not have to deal with anymore, but unfortunately M had wrote on the consent form the exact same thing that was written on the last 6, instead of what was planned in session. Although i am extremely thankful that they did not fit one, as it would have been an extremely bad idea (one i didnt have consent, so i couldnt have had it, and two my heart was WAY to unstable as per bloody usual, something always happens).

Now that was my operation, recovery was even worse, after 11 hours i woke up in recovery with a canula in my upper arm (which they didnt decide to tell me about until i noticed half drugged up that my arm was swelled up to shit and bleeding on the inside, i continued to move my arm up and down like it was completely normal. BAD IDEA MEG), i started to puke a couple of minutes after waking up, after being given anti sickness meds, and new heart meds to try out (new old ones, ones that were used YEARS ago before the dreaded flechanide took control of everyones lives), i puked from there till i was back on the ward, puked a bit more, then was completely fine after a bit, after 4 hours of lying down for recovery of my leg wounds, i got up and wondered about a bit, ate some food, sat down on a chair, then all of a sudden.. BOOM, more sick. It was that type of sick you can feel being digested up your esophagus and coming out of your mouth in green anesthetic/food type sick, and that just let hell break loose, the sickness was that traumatic it caused my heart to go into tachycardia, up at 175bpm from 80bpm, personally i think its because i wasnt on my normal meds to begin with, but it could have been anything that could have started it off, like the fact that it got an 11 hour beating by tiny wires and people in suits and masks, we will never know, my nurse Nicky, and the night doctor decided to ring M and ask for his advice, his advice was to give me my old meds and leave it two hours to see how it goes, for two hours my heart was beating out of my chest like a baby alien ready to be hatched, and i was exhausted, and from 175bpm in two hours it went down to 168bpm... So the result in this BARELY working, was like the scene out of pulp fiction where uma thurman overdoses on cocaine, and she has to have an adrenaline injection, \/\/\/\/\/

that whole reaction of her getting up and screaming her face off, that was nearly me... nearly. They didnt stick a giant needle into my chest thought... Instead they stuck a giant needle into my hand canula and it was the worst feeling that i have ever had in my entire life, i felt like i was dying, it was a giant burning sensation from m bicep to the middle of my chest then my heart restarted itself. It was the worst thing, but it worked, and thats all that mattered, i was out of the 175bpm area, and back into my normal 70-80bpm, and there was no more discomfort.

Afterwards my mentality was that it would come back, i couldnt sleep for the next 4-5 hours because i was terrified that it would come back again and id have to have that injection, to this day, 4 weeks later, i still have that thought in my head before i go to sleep every night, listening to the beats of my heart to make sure theyre steady and not going to go all over the place, but im back on my old meds and thats all that matters.

The plan now? well i have no idea, both Docs came to the ward before i came back up to talk to my mum over a few things such as they now think the problem is on the 'outside wall' of the heart which makes no sense, as it has ALWAYS been on the inside, always on the electrical part not he functional part, but i guess this may be the new start to something, maybe something else has occurred over the years of beatings its had and my hearts decided to be even more complicated, but im now going onto the adult hospital, the years of childrens hospital is now over, and i will definitely dearly miss that place, its a lot less scarier than the adult one, and the nurses have always been stars to me, but the adult side is now the best side for me, im back to Doc S in his care, and were going to start from the beginning, ive also made the adult decision to try the new (old) medicine for a trial week and see if that makes any difference, if not its back to the drawing board which isnt necessarily a bad thing, a new stage to it i suppose one last massive fight towards getting the best for me, whether thats pacemaker or new meds, i wont know until the 23rd of December when i have my first appointment, in the big hospital, with my old doctor.

Not only that, but a couple of days after recovery i came down with a facial paralysis problem called 'bells palsy' i basically look like this on the one side, im on steroid tablets for the facial nerve and i
\/\/\/

have three days left of them, yet nothings changed, ive been reassured by many that it will go away eventually, but until then it is extremely painful, and difficult for me to talk, eat, and drink (is probably the worst, i dribble like a baby), but ill get through it... like i always have done with everything.

Im not going to lie, my mentality towards all of this has really thrown me off the recovery process, more of the 'organising what im going to do being fixed' next year plan wasnt the greatest idea for me to do the week before my 'final' operation. But im slowly getting round the fact that initially my doctor made the decision because it would have saved my life, so i have to live a bit longer with this problem, and maybe try new ways of fixing it and prolonging the fitting of a pacemaker, its lucky enough im still here after 6 difficult operations, its more important that im still here with the problem, than not be here at all, and thats whats keeping my head level. Not only that but my mum has been exceptionally great, i honestly dont know what i could have done without her, shes been my anchor for all of this, and helped me to keep my head steady along the way, although its been difficult for the both of us, especially her as shes the one waiting around for news, or watching me struggle with the things i have to go through but whatever happens shes always there, shes there when i wake up and open my eyes everyday, every morning being home shes there, and i wouldnt have it any other way, even if i do wake her up at stupid oclock in the morning because i 'feel funny' and cant describe the way i feel, she is probably the best woman i have ever come across in my life, not because shes my mum but because of her thought processes and the way she deals with things, i love her more than anything, and i cant express it enough, none of us can.

But apart from all that dribble, ive successfully started a new set of zombie books called Surviving the Evacuation (INTENSE AS HELL AND I LOVE IT), and ive also successfully watched half the halloween films on my list, depending on if im okay to go to it, my friends mum is having a halloween party and im invited, and i have my outfit (take a guess, go on guess... no idea? OKAY ITS HARLEY QUINN OBVIOUSLY)), but it all depends on how i do with college next week, first time back in 4 weeks and im extremely nervous but excited to be stuck back into the routine. I also have successfully passed my Criminal Psychology (NCC) Level 4 course, and onto the forensic science course, and also signed up for forensic psychology, and identifying the dead forensic course! So all in all recovery has been successful with work wise, but only merely successful with everything else.

Im doing fine, im exhausted, but slowly does it i can get better at my own pace, thanks to everyone who has stuck by me in the process of this, including my family and a small amount of friends, but something like this happening in my life has definitely proved some peoples care towards me and my family, and the sides that they have chosen, and for them (who probably know who you are) fuck you and have a nice day.

Stay rad guys, its October! watch scary films, eat a shit load of candy, get shitfaced (if your old enough) dress like idiots, hail satan, camp out at a graveyard, !!!!!!but do NOT mess with ouiji boards!!!!!! (i put this because its extremely important and i am highly superstitious, especially on halloween) and enjoy life whilst you can, i definitely take every day as a gift now, no matter what gets in my way, i know that im lucky to still be alive and breathing.

MK x

WELL ITS SEPTEMBER. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. \m/

L

Good evening fellow readers, i am back for another massive rant towards the world and interesting things that are happening right now.

As you may or may not (depending if your a time traveler or not) it is September, which can only mean one thing.. WERE SO CLOSE TO OCTOBER. Now for normal humans, September means 'back to school', 'starting for university', 'starting heavy work on our jobs again', and finally the END OF THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS, for home owners and parents its some final quiet time needed after a long six weeks, and for me it means 23 days until my dreaded operation, isn't this feeling quite repetitive guys?

Luckily it isn't just my operation that is happening this month, there are many different things happening which im very excited for. As you all know i am a book lover, with a home made library and 100+ books covered on subjects between serial killers to peculiar children to scientific findings by the greatest minds in the world. At the moment, i successfully finished the first book of Miss Peregrines Home for Peculiar Children, by Ransom Riggs, which is based around a boy who discovers that his grandfathers fantasy stories of peculiar children with certain abilities and powers, becomes true and officially part of his world problem! set in the future AND the 1940s, and i have to say it was the most amazing adventure i ever went on (although it came pretty damn close than the first time i read harry potter, or percy jackson). This book combines a beautiful story of finding yourselves, and beautifully peculiar pictures that he collected from professional photograph collectors (which he also lists at the end of every book), i myself am an avid photographer, and these photos are so fascinating that i just want to collect some of my own and put it into an album. As i said i have successfully finished it, and now am onto the sequel 'Hollow City' which has been equally fascinating and intriguing, not only that, but i love the book that much that i have pre-ordered the third! (i have a book buying problem), and for a while now known that it is becoming a film, but only recently just seen the official photograph for it! BY TIM BURTON! one of my favorite directors in the history of crazy, fantastic films, what a good choice! I've already seen the cast list, and it is extremely alike how the actors connect to the characters in a personal aspect. IM SO READY!!!

Onto the theme of books, as i have been off all summer not socializing, as my heart has been EXTREMELY naughty and not behaving itself, i have been reading and window shopping for more books, although i do have a wide arrange of books now it is definitely difficult to find a book when your in that 'i dont know what type of genre im in' mood. After i finish Hollow City, i will be moving on to starting Artemis Fowl again, i epicly failed at it the last time and im determined to battle through the amazing book again! Last year i read the whole set of harry potter for my recovery so i felt like i should read another series, and i thought Artemis Fowl was the best choice, although i did think of reading IT by Stephen King, but it would give me huge nightmares of scary child killing clowns, and i dont think thats a fab recovery in all honesty! BUT not only am i going to READ Artemis Fowl again, but Eoin Colfer has just spoken about Disney making the FILM!!!!!! for so long i have wanted a film of the fantastic series, and fantasised about who would be who and now it is finally happening, and not only that but the director is the amazing Kenneth Branagh who directed THOR, as well as acting in harry potter as Gilderoy Lockart, what a fabulous year to be alive!

Not only books, but i have been addicted to watching movies recently, and not only that but there are a MILLION and one new films coming out that i am sooooooo ready for!!!! I have watched a quarter on the list i wrote for May, but there has been so many surprise trailers and announcements just recently come out!

How can i talk about september and not talk about the amazingly wonderful Tom Hardy being in a brand new film? I swear i have watched Mad Max over 100000x since it came out, and i dont even have it on DVD yet! But this wonderful man is bringing out a beautiful film about my favorite criminals that have ever walked the earth. The Kray twins. Yes people Legend is out on the 9th of september and i am so ready! So lets start with why i love Tom Hardy? or maybe there's less reasons for why my love for the Kray Twins is so large (only minor though!). Although they are named 'britians most violent criminals' I admire the Kray twins to the point where I would have loved to have met them, they were the smartest most loveable twins ever! How can no one see it (lol), although they were extremely violent, they were brilliant businessman although only one of them was the brains and the other the brawn. But how can it get any better than 2x Tom Hardy being in a film of my favourite gangsters? Not only is Hardy a very attractive human being who I am highly attracted to, he is also the most amazing and controversial actor out there, I mean who could act Charles Bronson to a T? Or bane, or any of the other amazing characters he has chosen to play in his years of acting! I first saw Tom hardy in his TV show the take, and was mesmerised by how fucked up he acted, not only that but how attractive he was as a thug! And from then I fell madly in love with him, with the way he acts and how much of a massive idol he is on people who grew up rough, which he also did. But yes how can I not talk about how excited I am about this film?! Extremely excited my friends, and I will definitely write a much detailed review of this film.

Now onto some serious details, yes I apologise the fun stuff is over, but how can I go without talking about the most serious thing that's going on right now?? My operation is 23 days away, not only that but it has fallen on the day of my nephews first birthday, now I don't know if that's good luck or that it's a pain in my ass, but don't freight my friends we have planned something for it beforehand! SEALIFE CENTRE! I'm so excited to take him to see the fishes, but I definitely will be protecting Ash from the Sharks! Not only that but the day before is the start of my diploma year of criminology! (I know shock horror I got good enough grades to get into the third year) and if you also haven't seen on my social networking (if your not following me then why not?) I have achieved a diploma in forensic science & profile, and also going to add a level 3 and level 4 diploma on to my CV, with criminal psychology and forensic criminology! How great is that? although unfortunately I have to retake my maths GCSE for the fourth time in a row, because somewhere someone is saying that all I deserve is a D and I can't get any higher or lower, FUCK YOU MATHS.

As I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself due to huge anger over the government grading system, but yes my operation is falling upon us very soon my friends, and I don't think I'm quite ready for it, they are doing something completely different this year and I may come out of it completely fixed in one way or another, pacemaker or no pacemaker. Unfortunately at this moment we don't know which, I am extremely worried about the outcome and my recovery but I'm feeling ready to battle this one last time with all my might (not that I'm doing any of the work, il just be dead weight on a metal table!) the recovery is also very difficult. After all the thought I've put into this one though, I am ready, and through everything I've achieved without being fixed I'm proud of myself and thankful for everything that's happening to me and happened to me, I am also very thankful for my beautiful family and friends who have stuck by me through all my shit, my moods and my giving up phases, they have always been there giving me strength when I haven't had it, and kept telling me that I could do things I would never have thought of myself. Yes my operation has stopped me from doing a lot of things, like gettin more piercings at a young age, or getting tattoos when I turned 18, or going out heavy drinking with my alcoholic friends, but being someone with a medical problem, I'm not that fussed, I've made my life happier another way and that's living it the way I want to. So what I just want to sit and read? Or sit and game? I'm happy, and for me finally I think that's all that matters. Fingers crossed this operation will go well if not you'll be hearing a lot of swear words from me in the next few blogs lol!

But hey it's September! It's a new month, it's only 15 weeks till Christmas (I think) and only 4 weeks and two days till HALLOWEEN!!!!! My favourite holiday in the history of holidays (bar christmas) a reason to sit and read horror books such as Stephen asking or Neil Gaiman, a reason to cuddle up on the sofa withOUT a pumpkin spiced latte (ew coffee) but a nice cup of hot tea, and watch hocus pocus repeatedly throughout the month, and also an excuse to dress up as anything you want! I'm not one of those girls who dress slutty for Halloween, and I never will, my boobs are way to big for all that shit, and I definitely think I'd suit a badass Jedi costume to a sexy nurse/devil/cat, some of the outfits nowadays are ridiculously slutty, I can't even look for a normal Alice in wonderland costume without seeing tits and ass, and the Alice I want isn't the blonde haired blue costumed cute risk taker, but the badass rage, black haired fucked up Alice. As I said, even if you don't go trick or treating you can still dress up on your own through the whole month. I'm looking forward to it lets just say that, but first lets get this operation over with, battle with it and succeed finally after 10 years, and if we fail we just stand back up brush ourselves off and try again!

After all that, I'm glad to get everything off my chest, and be able to chill out before I think of new things to write, hope you guys all stay hopeful in your lives and take every day as your the author to an amazing adventure. Don't worry you can use a rubber if you make mistakes, it may make a bit of a smudge but at least then you know not to do it again.

Stay rad dudes, your life is your own adventure!

MK x

 

3642 days, 54 hours.

3652 days of my life has been consisted of a constant battle with my heart, 54 hours in total of surgery for 6 operations which have not been successful but more helpful towards what is actually wrong with my heart, and a hell load of physical and mental recovery from it.

I was diagnosed at age 8 with Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome, which is a functional defect of the heart, not only was i diagnosed with this but three operations into it, atrial-ventricular tachycardia and supra-ventricular tachycardia soon established after my heart getting a beating from key-hole surgery catheter ablation. Not ONLY was i diagnosed with all of this, what started off as mum telling me to stop running about on the playground, to going to the doctors with an ear infection started off my life as a patient of Bristol Children's Hospital.

It has been an adventure, when i was a child i was so excited about all the different things that was going on during my stay at the hospital, patients who have been to BCH will agree with me that it is brilliant for the short adventurous minds of children, the colours and staff both having a great effect on us. Although by the age of 12, i started to understand more about what was going on, and how serious it could get after a few battles at surgery, i had to grow up very quickly for a 12 year old, and even though i knew i had it i still thought i could do all of the stuff a normal kid could.

If anyone from tewkesbury school can remember, i was chasing a friend of mine Jack Tharme around the playing field as he had my shoe, a normal thing for a normal kid to do as i wasnt such a girly girl but one of the lads i suppose. Although i seemed fine running after him and trying to catch up with him (baring in mind he was extremely fast), my heart gave up on me, i fainted in the middle of the field and i couldn't remember what happened from then, only that Mr McLemmon was wheeling me in a wheelchair through to reception where i found my mum and two brothers panicking, i seemed fine after that but it was the fact that my heart problem could effect me at any point, and when i fainted on that playing field i knew that my life had changed forever.

From then i started to learn about the stuff i could and couldn't do, the running about and playing sports i had to stop, and the doctors told me when i got older (my age now) i couldn't get a tattoo as it could be dangerous, or i couldn't drink or go on roller coasters, nevertheless i still did those things, apart from the tattoo im still waiting on that one, but i did. I challenged my heart on how far it could go, and yes it got me into trouble a lot of the time, but for a patient of a serious heart condition i think ive lived my life quite well so far.

When i was older, about 15 or so i started to search up my condition (dont lie people everyone does it even if they have a minor cough), i started to discover that many football players who die in the middle of the field had WPWS, but they never had the symptoms of it. Im a rare case in that i have always had the symptoms, and my symptoms have gotten worse over the years, but when i discovered about the footballers i felt really scared about what could happen to me if i wasnt careful. I also discovered that celebrities like Jessie J, Meatloaf and Marilyn Manson all have WPW so i didn't feel as bad then, apart from i have additional things ontop of it.

Youre probably wondering 'meg you haven't wrong in ages, why are you writing about this now?' The reason i started this blog was for me to vent, or take myself out of a different world to get away from my operation and problem, a year ago today i went into the operation theater for my sixth operation in which i thought would work, only to be woken up by shock and bed sores and to be told that it was unsuccessful again.

Now once i was older, at about 16 i started to get angry at the doctors, as every patient does. But when i woke up after this operation at 17 years old i told my doctor 'I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO, YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN ME A PACEMAKER'. Now by doing this it wasnt a great idea, but he completely understood and thats what i love about the two doctors ive had at BCH. When i went for my follow up appointment, to be told that i have to have another operation this year, i got very upset, and i never get upset about this, im usually quite strong minded and okay about it but i did, i cried my heart out. Because im fed up of being told continuously that my heart hasnt been fixed, and to live day in and out with a worry of 'am i going to drop dead?' 'is this going to damage my heart?'

Eventually my doctor said to me that there is another operation in which they want to try, its an 80% change of a pacemaker, so it will more than likely be that id get one, but it is the same as what they do on kidney stones, the radio frequency, only they are doing it on my AV node. Now the only positive thing about having 6 operations and none being successful is that they all helped to pinpoint the main problem in which my extra pathways were being made, my AV node. The AV node is the main point in your heart where all your beats come and go and the electrical pathways have to start from there and end there (in a way). My problem pinpointed down to the AV node, although this is extremely dangerous and difficult to get to and fix, they came up with a way that even if it does work it may shock the AV node back to normal, but it has more of a chance of damaging it.

My operation is either end of august, beginning of september, i dont know the actual date yet as i have to go for a 'pep' talk my mum calls it with my Doc, although i feel fine about it i still have some questions, but he said finally after 10 years and 6 operations, that this may, and will be the final operation whether it fixes the Radio-frequency way, or the pacemaker way.


In conclusion, id like to say ive never taken my life for granted, when i was a kid and was at tewkesbury school i was a dickhead at times, i was an asshole and a bitch and whatever else they could call me, my operations have damaged my grades, even though i tried as hard as i could, im still doing GCSE math now. I could have done so much better in school if it wasnt for it, but i dont think of the what ifs, and the what could have happeneds anymore. As an 18 year old adult, i like to think of every day in my life a gift, because if it wasnt for the doctors, the meds, and my mum i wouldn't be the person i am today. I am very thankful for what ive had in life, whether ive had friends that don't talk to me anymore, or friends that ive fallen out with, i still appreciate all the memories and stuff that happened, yeah i wish that some of us could have parted ways a bit easier, or could have atleast told me what i did wrong for me to not be their friends anymore but it doesnt matter, you win some you loose some.

I just want to be able to share my story, and to be thankful for what has come upon me even though its been a difficult ride. There are way worse people out there, alot which i have so much respect for and wish i could see alot more, like my friend Antonia, Antonia is probably the driving point for me wanting to fight these diseases and still be able to be happy, shes the strongest woman i know, and i love her alot. But i just want to give attention about the things that make both me and antonia appreciate the little things in life.


Thanks for reading.

MK x

ITS MAY | films & other fun stuff.

Well i didn't really keep my promise did i? writing blogs every so days.. congratulations meg you failed.

GOOD AFTERNOON FELLOW INTERNET FRIENDS. And welcome to MAY! well it seems like this has gone quickly, to think its coming close to exams now too, in college i feel like my life is just wasting away now, and its a constant repeat.

Today i'd like to take you on an adventure (pardon the pun), its officially the 4th of may whilst im writing this, {may the 4th be with you} on this amazing day i have failed to watch any star wars films, yesterday i watched episodes 1-3, but unfortunately forgot the DVDs to bring to my brothers house where im staying tonight, resulting in a supernatural night instead, not complaining.

Its getting there guys, not only is it the month of Star Wars it's also getting closer to summer, eventually well be there, FREEDOM I SAY!! well freedom for some, not for me, unfortunately another operation is ahead but thats for discussion later on!

May is also the month where its closer to new films coming out, among other things such as new games and exams (yay). Before i start i have already seen a bunch of new films including the new Avengers which personally i thought was amazing, although it was a bit jumpy in places and sometimes i couldnt keep up, i still enjoyed every single bit though as of course im a nerd when it comes to superhero films.

Here's a list of films coming up that im extremely excited about:

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Jurassic World (June 12)
Inside Out (June 19)
Paper Towns (June 19)
Pan (July 17)
Poltergeist (July 24)
Straight Outta Compton (August 14)
Legends (September 11)
Hunger Games: Part Two (November 20)
Star Wars Episode VII (December 18)
Deadpool (February 12)
Suicide Squad (August 5)
& Pereguins home for peculiars (2016 sometime)

And other ones that im not overly fussed with, im more concentrating on my TV shows at the moment as i have a list >> as you can see its very small, lmao dont worry i have enough time to get through them all, i dont do much with my life, and when i do it always involves one episode of my TV series' depending on which i fancy.

Not only is may the month where it gets closer to movies coming out its also the dreading moment of exams... now i only have 3 exams and HOPEFULLY finish early, if my crim teacher doesnt ask me to stay in, but i hope i do well, im not overly fussed about it to be honest but im ready for it. I hope it comes slowly though as my operation is coming up and that is something im not looking forward to, another more than likely 14 hour operation and a HELL load of recovery if decided upon a pace maker, when im on the table and nothing else has worked. See i still see the humor behind everything..

ANYWAY i hope you all have watched enough star wars to become a  jedi (or a sith depending on what floats your boat) and im going to hopefully finish them off tomorrow/wednesday and maybe start clone wars! Other than that nothing interesting going on.

HAVE A WONDERFUL MAY.

MK x