Dear Grandad and Grandma,
(John and Peg Morgan,
most likely a pub shaped cloud,
Heaven)
i hope all is well where you are, its horrible weather down here, but i suppose youll always have good weather where you are. First i'd like to say to grandad that everything is well down here, i still would love for you to see where we all are now, and it hurts knowing your graves are so far away but it feels like your both always here watching over all of us. Grandma it sucks that i never got to meet you, both me and ciar as youd probably be the life of the party if you were alive now, youd also probably get our ass's into gear as were lacking in confidence and strength at the moment, and probably well feed us if you could, not that mum doesnt but youd probably say shes doing it wrong haha.
Things are rough at the moment, i think alot of the time we dont really have the time together which is either good or bad, but i know if you were both here thered be alot more family meals and a lot less tension lol, theres a million and one things id like to tell you but itd be so much easier if there was atleast a phone booth in heaven that connects to here but im sure alot of people on earth would be using it and thered be no room for others. I think mum feels the same tbh, its been a tough couple of months, well a couple of years really and i think shed be better if she could hear one of your voices again. But like i said before, it feels as though theres always a presence around us in the worst of times, and when we feel alone, and id like to think of it as you two watching over us, its nicer that way than thinking its a bad spirit.
Ciarans now engaged to a girl named aisling, shes lovely, and theyre expecting a kid some time in the next couple of weeks, hes diagnosed with a heart problem aswell, even though you both werent alive when me and matty were diagnosed, you were when baby john was! i hope hes growing up well too...
Hes got hypoplastic left heart syndrome and a funny arch at the top of the heart, ive got wolff-parcinson white syndrome, atrioventricular tachycardia and superventricular tachycardia, and i cant remember what mattys got, something similar to archies i think, oh yeah thats what nephews names going to be... Archie-Jack McMillan (or morgan, ciaran hasnt decided yet) Ash is lovely, shes had some family troubles aswell, so we get on quite well.
Conars doing good, hes got a good job and a chilled life tbh, hes alot like you grandad, in many ways, and alot like Uncle John too! And mums doing well, her job is makin her a cripple though shes got tennis elbow and a muscle thats gone but apart from that shes as clean as a whistle.
Other than that everythings okay, im sure you know fully well whats going on if youve been hanging about right enough, but id love it if you were both here,itd be alot more happier lol.
Missing you.
Lots of love
Meg x
*hey guys im gna start doing a series of these letters when i feel like writing to my grandparents, it makes me feel alot calmer and i know it sounds really weird but its a pretty cool other way of letting everything out, enjoy!
MK x'
Tuesday, 19 August 2014
Sunday, 17 August 2014
I need to discuss something | serious blog.
Actually there is a couple of things id like to discuss on this blog today, so be prepared for it to be a long one.
(guys these are my opinions so please dont give me shit, please dont start being twats, im allowed an opinion just like everyone else does.)
The first thing i want to discuss is the news about Robin Williams, not only was he my favorite actor but he gave the world such a hilarious opinion on things. What id like to talk about is how he died, and how alot of other celebrities are treated when they die the same way, i saw on twitter a couple of people posting 'why did he kill himself? he was rich and had the perfect life?' or 'its selfish for him to kill himself when there is worst people off'
Okay first thing, yes there is worst people off, but do you fully understand or know how someone lives? or what they feel during their lifetime? no you dont you only see whats on screen on their movies or stand ups or tv shows or even how the media portrays them to be, and even then they're putting faces on. Second thing is yeah it could be seen as selfish to be honest, but by the end of it its how they feel during their lives.
Suicide is a terrible thing, and there are statistics that show how many people actually die from it (mostly in America) but suicide never gets the attention it should do, unless a celebrity dies from it. This is the mad thing that people dont understand, the media underestimate the things that celebrities go through. as that other tweet said 'why did he kill himself he was rich?' So what if hes rich? hes still a human being! And even if he wasnt rich he would probably still go through the same thing, alot of celebrities get bad publicity from being a drug addict or alcoholic, and its bad publicity, the only thing newspapers and magazines care about is who can get more information, they dont care about how the celebrity feels or how theyre dealing with things.
Robin Williams supposedly took his own life from depression, and to be honest he was a very sad man, he did go through alot through the years of his acting and even before, im not saying i know everything about him, but its common sense to think that he was going through enough mentally to have the strength to take his own life from his family. The same as any other celebrity, in all seriousness i dont think its selfish, its brave, and it takes a strong person with a weak mind to be able to take their own life. And to be perfectly honest, i couldnt do it.
When someone suffers from severe depression, they try to get rid of their mental demons by dousing themselves in alcohol, or to try make themselves that high that they forget what they were even thinking of, and become addicted to drugs, like any person would. Instead of convincing yourself that you do have depression, you sit there and think of ways to get rid of those demons in an easier way.
There are alot of people out there who say they have depression, when really theyre just sad, and theyre attention seeking, and you can tell because if someone is diagnosed with that, they either dont tell anyone or tell their closest people, they dont post anything about their problems, because their problems are in their heads. Alot of people coming out of depression, feel the need to talk about it, as they are safe then to talk about it, and prove to people that they came out of it, they are the true people who have been diagnosed, not these people who say 'im going to kill myself because im depressed' and to be honest ive met ALOT of people who are like that.
I agree that depression is one of the circumstances of suicide, but it doesnt necessarily have to end that way, as i said before some people have come out of it, when others havent got the mental strength to. Its a serious problem in america, and anywhere else for that matter, but again the thing i want to moan about is the way the media portray it in celebrities, like its nothing, like its just another problem the celebrity has and that theyll come out of it because theyre rich or have good lives. When in reality, they are still human beings, and being rich and having constant publicity it may make their mental problems worse, which is usually what happens.
Celebrities are human beings just like us, they shouldnt get bad publicity or good publicity, they shouldnt even get publicity about their lives at all unless they want to be center of attention (such as the kardashians) but then some celebrities should just be left to their lives to live, however long they have left. Have some damn respect for other human beings no matter how high up on the food chain they are.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The other thing id like to discuss about is parents.
Parents are sometimes great, sometimes amazing and sometimes just dont understand the definition of family or having a child, everyone will say different about their own parents, i think personally my mum is amazing, shes been the best to us three and even more people including my friends. and she is alot of peoples rocks.
the thing i love about my mum is she cares more for everyone else than herself, and thats one thing that annoys me, because she deserves to be treated like a queen (any good mother does in my eyes) she deserves to have loads of presents, yet she says she doesnt need them because she has us. My mums been both a father and a mother to us, and i dont think ill ever appreciate her more than i do now. She has done the best for us, and has been there for me through thick and thin.
But then you get some parents who dont know the meaning of children, or family. Dont really care enough for you or dont know how to deal with you properly.
I love my family, i love everyone in it, and the irish family i have are the most important to me. Family means more than alot of things, than money, a house over our heads or anything and alot of parents dont understand that. Family means being together, and having a strong bond or relationships, and by the end of it family is the only thing you have left, so you need to worship it day in and day out just incase by any chance that you loose them all.
I worship my family everyday, i know i can definitely be a pain in the arse, alot more than people think. and i sometimes take for granted what i have or what we dont have, when really the most important thing is that we still have eachother.
I know alot of people who dont have parents, or only have one, or dont even have any, and they are the strongest people i have ever met, yeah at times it feels as though you have to grow up fast, and the arguments last too long and can get dirty, and it gets to a point where you just want to scream at both of them or even at yourself. It makes you feel like yourself or you and your other siblings have done wrong to be treated in such a way, and it isnt fair, but my grandma always had a saying itll get worse before it gets better, and it will get better. You have to be open minded to believe that things will get better, and it does take a while to feel like things are going to be okay, but by the end of it you always have some family left.
I know most of this may not make sense, but ive been thinking about both depression and my family alot recently, and ive needed to let it all out.
Things will get better, it always does..
Stay rad, MK xx
(guys these are my opinions so please dont give me shit, please dont start being twats, im allowed an opinion just like everyone else does.)
The first thing i want to discuss is the news about Robin Williams, not only was he my favorite actor but he gave the world such a hilarious opinion on things. What id like to talk about is how he died, and how alot of other celebrities are treated when they die the same way, i saw on twitter a couple of people posting 'why did he kill himself? he was rich and had the perfect life?' or 'its selfish for him to kill himself when there is worst people off'
Okay first thing, yes there is worst people off, but do you fully understand or know how someone lives? or what they feel during their lifetime? no you dont you only see whats on screen on their movies or stand ups or tv shows or even how the media portrays them to be, and even then they're putting faces on. Second thing is yeah it could be seen as selfish to be honest, but by the end of it its how they feel during their lives.
Suicide is a terrible thing, and there are statistics that show how many people actually die from it (mostly in America) but suicide never gets the attention it should do, unless a celebrity dies from it. This is the mad thing that people dont understand, the media underestimate the things that celebrities go through. as that other tweet said 'why did he kill himself he was rich?' So what if hes rich? hes still a human being! And even if he wasnt rich he would probably still go through the same thing, alot of celebrities get bad publicity from being a drug addict or alcoholic, and its bad publicity, the only thing newspapers and magazines care about is who can get more information, they dont care about how the celebrity feels or how theyre dealing with things.
Robin Williams supposedly took his own life from depression, and to be honest he was a very sad man, he did go through alot through the years of his acting and even before, im not saying i know everything about him, but its common sense to think that he was going through enough mentally to have the strength to take his own life from his family. The same as any other celebrity, in all seriousness i dont think its selfish, its brave, and it takes a strong person with a weak mind to be able to take their own life. And to be perfectly honest, i couldnt do it.
When someone suffers from severe depression, they try to get rid of their mental demons by dousing themselves in alcohol, or to try make themselves that high that they forget what they were even thinking of, and become addicted to drugs, like any person would. Instead of convincing yourself that you do have depression, you sit there and think of ways to get rid of those demons in an easier way.
There are alot of people out there who say they have depression, when really theyre just sad, and theyre attention seeking, and you can tell because if someone is diagnosed with that, they either dont tell anyone or tell their closest people, they dont post anything about their problems, because their problems are in their heads. Alot of people coming out of depression, feel the need to talk about it, as they are safe then to talk about it, and prove to people that they came out of it, they are the true people who have been diagnosed, not these people who say 'im going to kill myself because im depressed' and to be honest ive met ALOT of people who are like that.
I agree that depression is one of the circumstances of suicide, but it doesnt necessarily have to end that way, as i said before some people have come out of it, when others havent got the mental strength to. Its a serious problem in america, and anywhere else for that matter, but again the thing i want to moan about is the way the media portray it in celebrities, like its nothing, like its just another problem the celebrity has and that theyll come out of it because theyre rich or have good lives. When in reality, they are still human beings, and being rich and having constant publicity it may make their mental problems worse, which is usually what happens.
Celebrities are human beings just like us, they shouldnt get bad publicity or good publicity, they shouldnt even get publicity about their lives at all unless they want to be center of attention (such as the kardashians) but then some celebrities should just be left to their lives to live, however long they have left. Have some damn respect for other human beings no matter how high up on the food chain they are.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The other thing id like to discuss about is parents.
Parents are sometimes great, sometimes amazing and sometimes just dont understand the definition of family or having a child, everyone will say different about their own parents, i think personally my mum is amazing, shes been the best to us three and even more people including my friends. and she is alot of peoples rocks.
the thing i love about my mum is she cares more for everyone else than herself, and thats one thing that annoys me, because she deserves to be treated like a queen (any good mother does in my eyes) she deserves to have loads of presents, yet she says she doesnt need them because she has us. My mums been both a father and a mother to us, and i dont think ill ever appreciate her more than i do now. She has done the best for us, and has been there for me through thick and thin.
But then you get some parents who dont know the meaning of children, or family. Dont really care enough for you or dont know how to deal with you properly.
I love my family, i love everyone in it, and the irish family i have are the most important to me. Family means more than alot of things, than money, a house over our heads or anything and alot of parents dont understand that. Family means being together, and having a strong bond or relationships, and by the end of it family is the only thing you have left, so you need to worship it day in and day out just incase by any chance that you loose them all.
I worship my family everyday, i know i can definitely be a pain in the arse, alot more than people think. and i sometimes take for granted what i have or what we dont have, when really the most important thing is that we still have eachother.
I know alot of people who dont have parents, or only have one, or dont even have any, and they are the strongest people i have ever met, yeah at times it feels as though you have to grow up fast, and the arguments last too long and can get dirty, and it gets to a point where you just want to scream at both of them or even at yourself. It makes you feel like yourself or you and your other siblings have done wrong to be treated in such a way, and it isnt fair, but my grandma always had a saying itll get worse before it gets better, and it will get better. You have to be open minded to believe that things will get better, and it does take a while to feel like things are going to be okay, but by the end of it you always have some family left.
I know most of this may not make sense, but ive been thinking about both depression and my family alot recently, and ive needed to let it all out.
Things will get better, it always does..
Stay rad, MK xx
Sunday, 10 August 2014
who are you and where have you put megan?! | LONG AWAITED BLOG apologies guys \m/
hey hey heyyyyyyyy (insert sexy face here)
please dont be mad with me guys, i havent been writing blog because ive been TRYING TO FINISH HARRY POTTER BOOKS.... i cant even begin to say how much i enjoy them more than the films, i epically though.... (meaning i really really really) am angry at how much theyve missed out! i mean the films are insane, and i know for a fact from reading so many books that have been made into films, i can relate to why they dont put the whole story in, i mean a book can be as many pages as the writer wants it to be, but then theres putting it in a film, and films are only really allowed up to 2 hours or 3 long... (unless its casino, then its about a day and a half worth of film (although i enjoyed casino thoroughly))
ANYHOO... so im on half blood prince at the moment and i have 10 chapters left of it, (doesnt sound alot but trust me theres so many pages) im enjoying it but im most looking forward to deathly hallows as thats when everything gets explained!! ALSO im going to harry potter world (warner brothers studios) tomorrow with my family and my not born yet pain in the arse nephew! ive been before and i absolutely love it there... im going to be doing a vlog, which ive already done one for my operation my youtube it >>> youtube account ive got an operation vlog (with no speaking) and a media trailer for my exam piece (absolutely terrified for my results (14th of august)) ill also do a blog just to explain how the day went and stuff and my experiences.
Now i know i havent been doing daily blogs, but thats because i havent thought of anything to write about for the past like..... month or so but now i kind of want to just chat about random shit... is that weird? lol
i have this theory about ghost tv programs, and horror/ghost movies that are made from real life stories which ill be writing about in a next blog and hopefully do some EPQ (a grade in college) work to do with it which i will post.
I havent really much else to say apart from stay rad guys i havent died
\m/
MK!
please dont be mad with me guys, i havent been writing blog because ive been TRYING TO FINISH HARRY POTTER BOOKS.... i cant even begin to say how much i enjoy them more than the films, i epically though.... (meaning i really really really) am angry at how much theyve missed out! i mean the films are insane, and i know for a fact from reading so many books that have been made into films, i can relate to why they dont put the whole story in, i mean a book can be as many pages as the writer wants it to be, but then theres putting it in a film, and films are only really allowed up to 2 hours or 3 long... (unless its casino, then its about a day and a half worth of film (although i enjoyed casino thoroughly))
ANYHOO... so im on half blood prince at the moment and i have 10 chapters left of it, (doesnt sound alot but trust me theres so many pages) im enjoying it but im most looking forward to deathly hallows as thats when everything gets explained!! ALSO im going to harry potter world (warner brothers studios) tomorrow with my family and my not born yet pain in the arse nephew! ive been before and i absolutely love it there... im going to be doing a vlog, which ive already done one for my operation my youtube it >>> youtube account ive got an operation vlog (with no speaking) and a media trailer for my exam piece (absolutely terrified for my results (14th of august)) ill also do a blog just to explain how the day went and stuff and my experiences.
Now i know i havent been doing daily blogs, but thats because i havent thought of anything to write about for the past like..... month or so but now i kind of want to just chat about random shit... is that weird? lol
i have this theory about ghost tv programs, and horror/ghost movies that are made from real life stories which ill be writing about in a next blog and hopefully do some EPQ (a grade in college) work to do with it which i will post.
I havent really much else to say apart from stay rad guys i havent died
\m/
MK!
Wednesday, 23 July 2014
Another question blog | Cause im bored \m/
hello again! im gna be doing these question blogs when im extremely bored! so enjoy :)
What is your…
1. Name
Megan Katherine McMillan
2. Age
17
3. Birthday
20th December (remember it people)
4. Hair color
Its black at the moment, but i think im naturally really mousy brown, the last time i had natural hair i was 13
5. Eye color
Brown/Hazel
6. Pets name
Milo (Yes milo off the tweenies, not the dog in the mask)
7. Height
i think im 5ft7
8. Best friends name
I dont really have best friends, it sort of goes
acquaintance, friends i like but wont spend much time with, good friends id get drunk with, family.
What is your favorite…
9. Food
I have to say pasta, but ive cut down on it:( Its usually half rack of ribs if were talking restaurant style food.
10. Movie
Tough, i would say any Tom Hardy film, and probably the harry potter boxset
11. Thing to do
Read lmao, and write things.
12. Sport
God i havent done sport since i was about 14, but i do enjoy basketball or hockey
13. Female singer
Probably Hayley Williams, or old school Anastasia.
14. Male singer
Um, i dont really have a definite male one lmao.
15. Actress
Angelina Jolie
16. Actor
i have a list for this too... It goes
Anthony Hopkins, Liam Neeson, Tom Hanks, Johnny Depp, Tom Hardy, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki
17. TV show
Supernatural... Obviously
18. Talent show
i dont like talent shows, they annoy me.
19. Color
'Ill stop wearing black when they make a darker colour'
20. Animal
Dogs, any type of dogs, except bugs and small fucking yappy ones.
21. Season
Winter
22. Youtuber
I enjoy watching BF vs GF, or Bunny!
23. Viner
i dont like vine.
Have you ever…
24. Failed a class
Yes lmao, History and PE
25. Had sex
Well thats a very personal question
26. Bought condoms
I have a C card, woo wooo!!!
27. Masturbated
Again a personal question
28. Snuck out
Yes lmao, i tried saying to my mum i was going over to my friends to do homework, and she did the same with her mum but really we were with the 'car crew' (how gay) in gloucester, and we didnt realise that our mums had eachothers numbers, so i came home and was like OMG IM SO SORRY MUM, and she was just like bitch please.
29. Lied about where you went
The above answer lmao!!
30. Been in love
yes i am at the moment (i hope/think)
31. Cheated on a test
yes lmfao, i still dont understand how i passed science.
32. Cheated on a bf/gf
Never
33. Done drugs
If Atenalol and Flechanide count then yes.
34. Drank alcohol
lmao, yes.. i shouldnt be but yes
35. Regret anything
Nope not at all really, everything in my life has molded who i am today
36. Lied to your parents
many a time but havent got far, my mum sees right through me
37. Cried over something dumb
many of time
38. Been in a fight
unfortunately so "back in the day" haha, i was so bad ass (NOT)
39. Cuddled
yes, i love cuddles... from anyone
40. Been arrested
thankfully not.
41. Missed someone
i miss my grandparents (Morgans)
Would you ever…
42. Do drugs
god no
43. Drink alcohol
well yeah
44. Get high
id like to have the feeling but i wouldnt ever do it, ive gotten high off like morphine and other medicines in the hospital, and its okay for a while but uncomfortable when you start to feel like you cant control yourself.
45. Get a tattoo
i want loads of tattoos lmao, i would write them out but itll take too long (theres about 25-30)
Questions…
48. What do you regret?
i dont regret a major load of things, but i do regret some things.
49. What was the last lie you told?
That i was okay
50. Who is the last the last person you texted?
Lewis asking for my CD's back
51.What is the last text you sent?
'No im putting all my music on my laptop and i dont have sempiternal or MMLP2'
52. Who is the last person you called?
Becky Cole
53. Who is your celebrity crush?
Tom Hardy, Jensen Ackles, and Jared Padalecki.
54. What is your guilty pleasure?
i dont really have one.. reading
55. What is the longest you have gone without a shower?
about 3 weeks, after my operation, i cant get my wounds wet and it hurts to bend over and wash my hair lmao
56.What is the longest you have gone without shaving?
again 3 weeks, for my op, it was too much effor
57. Who was your first crush?
every girls was channing tatum
58. What is your worst fear?
Spiders, i really dont like them, alot of people think its funny but im terrified of them.
59. What is your crush’s name?
well lewis
60. What is your most embarrassing moment?
i cant remember any embarrassing moment
61. What is your biggest turn on?
Suits and Ties.
62. Do you have a secret talent?
I know how to sing, not my opinion if its good or not.
63. Do you hate anyone?
i hate alot of people to be honest lmao.
64. Name someone you got close to in the past year.
Becky and Jess
65. What is your strangest dream?
Its weird with dreams, you dont actually remember them when you wake up because the oxygen gets to your brain, and its horrible... i wish i could record my dreams.
WELL THAT WAS FUN.
stay rad.
mk x
What is your…
1. Name
Megan Katherine McMillan
2. Age
17
3. Birthday
20th December (remember it people)
4. Hair color
Its black at the moment, but i think im naturally really mousy brown, the last time i had natural hair i was 13
5. Eye color
Brown/Hazel
6. Pets name
Milo (Yes milo off the tweenies, not the dog in the mask)
7. Height
i think im 5ft7
8. Best friends name
I dont really have best friends, it sort of goes
acquaintance, friends i like but wont spend much time with, good friends id get drunk with, family.
What is your favorite…
9. Food
I have to say pasta, but ive cut down on it:( Its usually half rack of ribs if were talking restaurant style food.
10. Movie
Tough, i would say any Tom Hardy film, and probably the harry potter boxset
11. Thing to do
Read lmao, and write things.
12. Sport
God i havent done sport since i was about 14, but i do enjoy basketball or hockey
13. Female singer
Probably Hayley Williams, or old school Anastasia.
14. Male singer
Um, i dont really have a definite male one lmao.
15. Actress
Angelina Jolie
16. Actor
i have a list for this too... It goes
Anthony Hopkins, Liam Neeson, Tom Hanks, Johnny Depp, Tom Hardy, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki
17. TV show
Supernatural... Obviously
18. Talent show
i dont like talent shows, they annoy me.
19. Color
'Ill stop wearing black when they make a darker colour'
20. Animal
Dogs, any type of dogs, except bugs and small fucking yappy ones.
21. Season
Winter
22. Youtuber
I enjoy watching BF vs GF, or Bunny!
23. Viner
i dont like vine.
Have you ever…
24. Failed a class
Yes lmao, History and PE
25. Had sex
Well thats a very personal question
26. Bought condoms
I have a C card, woo wooo!!!
27. Masturbated
Again a personal question
28. Snuck out
Yes lmao, i tried saying to my mum i was going over to my friends to do homework, and she did the same with her mum but really we were with the 'car crew' (how gay) in gloucester, and we didnt realise that our mums had eachothers numbers, so i came home and was like OMG IM SO SORRY MUM, and she was just like bitch please.
29. Lied about where you went
The above answer lmao!!
30. Been in love
yes i am at the moment (i hope/think)
31. Cheated on a test
yes lmfao, i still dont understand how i passed science.
32. Cheated on a bf/gf
Never
33. Done drugs
If Atenalol and Flechanide count then yes.
34. Drank alcohol
lmao, yes.. i shouldnt be but yes
35. Regret anything
Nope not at all really, everything in my life has molded who i am today
36. Lied to your parents
many a time but havent got far, my mum sees right through me
37. Cried over something dumb
many of time
38. Been in a fight
unfortunately so "back in the day" haha, i was so bad ass (NOT)
39. Cuddled
yes, i love cuddles... from anyone
40. Been arrested
thankfully not.
41. Missed someone
i miss my grandparents (Morgans)
Would you ever…
42. Do drugs
god no
43. Drink alcohol
well yeah
44. Get high
id like to have the feeling but i wouldnt ever do it, ive gotten high off like morphine and other medicines in the hospital, and its okay for a while but uncomfortable when you start to feel like you cant control yourself.
45. Get a tattoo
i want loads of tattoos lmao, i would write them out but itll take too long (theres about 25-30)
Questions…
48. What do you regret?
i dont regret a major load of things, but i do regret some things.
49. What was the last lie you told?
That i was okay
50. Who is the last the last person you texted?
Lewis asking for my CD's back
51.What is the last text you sent?
'No im putting all my music on my laptop and i dont have sempiternal or MMLP2'
52. Who is the last person you called?
Becky Cole
53. Who is your celebrity crush?
Tom Hardy, Jensen Ackles, and Jared Padalecki.
54. What is your guilty pleasure?
i dont really have one.. reading
55. What is the longest you have gone without a shower?
about 3 weeks, after my operation, i cant get my wounds wet and it hurts to bend over and wash my hair lmao
56.What is the longest you have gone without shaving?
again 3 weeks, for my op, it was too much effor
57. Who was your first crush?
every girls was channing tatum
58. What is your worst fear?
Spiders, i really dont like them, alot of people think its funny but im terrified of them.
59. What is your crush’s name?
well lewis
60. What is your most embarrassing moment?
i cant remember any embarrassing moment
61. What is your biggest turn on?
Suits and Ties.
62. Do you have a secret talent?
I know how to sing, not my opinion if its good or not.
63. Do you hate anyone?
i hate alot of people to be honest lmao.
64. Name someone you got close to in the past year.
Becky and Jess
65. What is your strangest dream?
Its weird with dreams, you dont actually remember them when you wake up because the oxygen gets to your brain, and its horrible... i wish i could record my dreams.
WELL THAT WAS FUN.
stay rad.
mk x
oh hey hows it going? | IM BACK, whats been happening?! \m/
HEY GUYS
have ya missed me... you probably havent, because i havent wrote a blog in like FOR EV ER.
sooooo, as you know i havent been writing at all really, im trying to speed up my recovery lmao!
I'm doing okay, im still quite sore here and there, i also get some pains in my chest at times but im so far recovering physically really quickly, the only thing is my emotional side is going to take longer obviously, because going through what i did and coming out of it not working again gets to me alot, and also being told that in 2 years time (fingers crossed if nothing goes wrong) ill be fixed with a pace maker. Slowly but surely the emotional side has hit me, and its going to, but i think this year has been really tough not just for me but for my family.
The thing i love about having such a strong family around me is that we dont go through things individually, we go through it together, and if you try to deal with things on your own, theres always someone thatll bring out the problems and help you through them.
So anyway not alot has been happening, i have started reading the Harry Potter book set, and im absolutely in love with them!! cant believe half the stuff they put in the book wasnt in the film, but you cant fit a whole book in a film which is what ive learnt after reading alot of books! But yeah im on order of the phoenix at the moment, i started reading them at the beginning of the month. Ive only really been wanting to read to help my mind go on something else, and then the family and i organised to go to WARNER BROTHER STUDIOS again!!!! absolutely in love with the place, it makes me feel like a child and its so fun to look around the whole place! my mum is definitely excited to go. Its a couple of days before my results (which im already worried about) so itll let me have some calm time before i get them, hopefully i get in next year lmao.
Apart from that, not alot has been happening, weve all had a bit of an emotional month, and its only going to get worse before it gets better, and i dont think alot of people realise that saying. Alot of the time i see people hoping that when something goes bad it automatically just gets better straight after it, when in reality nothing gets better straight away, it takes strength and courage to make things get better, and it does take time. When i was younger i used to be such an asshole, i used to mouth off at people on facebook, and i tend not to do that anymore, because well when your younger (and especially with the school i went to) it was all about hierarchy, and who had a bigger mouth, but really i wasnt that big, i wasnt all mouth i did actually have some times when i thought what the hell am i doing with myself, by mouthing off at people at school and on facebook it made me out to look like a fucking idiot to be honest, and by the end of it alot of my 'friends' completely forgot me when i left, the same with being in college, you have the first couple of friends you make, and then after being off for a while you start to realise who actually cares, and who actually matters.
Ill always be nice to the people who are nice to me, but when it comes to the point where i dont think they want to be bothered with i wont bother with them back, and thats what i learnt growing up, i had to grow up quickly with what was happening in my life, but in the long term i think its made me a better person in a way, i have alot more respect for certain aspects and things in my life, and i dont take a lot for granted, but at the same time i stand up for myself and dont take shit from people. My family have been a great help with that, theyve tried to keep my anger at bay because its good to have to flip out at some people who dont give a shit, or think they can act bigger, but theyve also taught me how to respect and care for others in alot more friendlier fashion than i used to.
This is the thing, you can have many friends throughout life, for your WHOLE life, but family will always stay forever, whether you fuck up or you dont. Yeah okay some family members can be a pain in the arse, and some of them you want nothing to do with, but in the end of it all you wont have anything stronger than the bond and love of your family.
Dont take people for granted, dont let yourself be treated like an object, and always keep your head held high, because theres no point in letting other people get you down, itll show that your weak and that they have won...
Sorry for the deep blog, but ill be doing daily ones now!! yaaaaaaaay \m/
STAY RAD
mk xx
have ya missed me... you probably havent, because i havent wrote a blog in like FOR EV ER.
sooooo, as you know i havent been writing at all really, im trying to speed up my recovery lmao!
I'm doing okay, im still quite sore here and there, i also get some pains in my chest at times but im so far recovering physically really quickly, the only thing is my emotional side is going to take longer obviously, because going through what i did and coming out of it not working again gets to me alot, and also being told that in 2 years time (fingers crossed if nothing goes wrong) ill be fixed with a pace maker. Slowly but surely the emotional side has hit me, and its going to, but i think this year has been really tough not just for me but for my family.
The thing i love about having such a strong family around me is that we dont go through things individually, we go through it together, and if you try to deal with things on your own, theres always someone thatll bring out the problems and help you through them.
So anyway not alot has been happening, i have started reading the Harry Potter book set, and im absolutely in love with them!! cant believe half the stuff they put in the book wasnt in the film, but you cant fit a whole book in a film which is what ive learnt after reading alot of books! But yeah im on order of the phoenix at the moment, i started reading them at the beginning of the month. Ive only really been wanting to read to help my mind go on something else, and then the family and i organised to go to WARNER BROTHER STUDIOS again!!!! absolutely in love with the place, it makes me feel like a child and its so fun to look around the whole place! my mum is definitely excited to go. Its a couple of days before my results (which im already worried about) so itll let me have some calm time before i get them, hopefully i get in next year lmao.
Apart from that, not alot has been happening, weve all had a bit of an emotional month, and its only going to get worse before it gets better, and i dont think alot of people realise that saying. Alot of the time i see people hoping that when something goes bad it automatically just gets better straight after it, when in reality nothing gets better straight away, it takes strength and courage to make things get better, and it does take time. When i was younger i used to be such an asshole, i used to mouth off at people on facebook, and i tend not to do that anymore, because well when your younger (and especially with the school i went to) it was all about hierarchy, and who had a bigger mouth, but really i wasnt that big, i wasnt all mouth i did actually have some times when i thought what the hell am i doing with myself, by mouthing off at people at school and on facebook it made me out to look like a fucking idiot to be honest, and by the end of it alot of my 'friends' completely forgot me when i left, the same with being in college, you have the first couple of friends you make, and then after being off for a while you start to realise who actually cares, and who actually matters.
Ill always be nice to the people who are nice to me, but when it comes to the point where i dont think they want to be bothered with i wont bother with them back, and thats what i learnt growing up, i had to grow up quickly with what was happening in my life, but in the long term i think its made me a better person in a way, i have alot more respect for certain aspects and things in my life, and i dont take a lot for granted, but at the same time i stand up for myself and dont take shit from people. My family have been a great help with that, theyve tried to keep my anger at bay because its good to have to flip out at some people who dont give a shit, or think they can act bigger, but theyve also taught me how to respect and care for others in alot more friendlier fashion than i used to.
This is the thing, you can have many friends throughout life, for your WHOLE life, but family will always stay forever, whether you fuck up or you dont. Yeah okay some family members can be a pain in the arse, and some of them you want nothing to do with, but in the end of it all you wont have anything stronger than the bond and love of your family.
Dont take people for granted, dont let yourself be treated like an object, and always keep your head held high, because theres no point in letting other people get you down, itll show that your weak and that they have won...
Sorry for the deep blog, but ill be doing daily ones now!! yaaaaaaaay \m/
STAY RAD
mk xx
Wednesday, 9 July 2014
HEY GUYS IM ALIVE! | what went down and how im doing \m/
WHOS MISSED ME HA!
so um yeah, as my title says i am still alive...
*ah ah ah ah staying alive staying alive*
WELL... my operation wasnt successful AGAIN 5th time UN lucky, but apparently *says the doctor, whilst i was in shock from my op* they have found exactly what the problem is, i dont know the full summary yet but apparently there must be no more problems as he said that theyve finally found out what the problem is!
Where do i start? Wednesday the 2nd i went in, well... we went to bristol early for Archies scan, and we found out (GOOD NEWS YAY) that the left side of his heart (which was the problem, he has Hypoplastic left heart syndrome, and a narrowing of the arch) is growing WITH the right, but is still small, but its not disintergrating or anything which is really good news! he will still need operations when hes born, but the doctor seemed please with the results, the doctor which i had the pleasure of meeting throughout my whole stay in the hospital (one night)... ANYHOO... archies appointment was in the morning, and mine wasnt until 4 oclock, which kind of meant i had a shit load of time to deal with.. as i shown you in my last blog i didnt stay in bristol (i also bought a lovely warm bomber jacket which i wear EVERYWHERE) i came back home, to spend one more night here... (im pretty sure i wrote a blog about it, i think i did)
ANYWAY... the next day, was my operation day, i wasnt first on the list Savannah was, which is nice to kind of not have to rush, but it sucks because i had to wait for ages. Then again i dont really mind, either way both me and Savannah are safe now :)... But yeah, so we left for bristol at about 5 oclock in the morning i think, maybe earlier... and we travelled down to bristol, baring in mind i went to bed at midnight and woke up at half 1 from panicking too much because i was worried and it all hit me at once (my own fault of corse)...
ANYWAY by the time i got to bristol, we were unpacking the car, and we had some time before to go into the main hospital to see if costa or any of the shops were open and they werent until 9, i really wanted a coffee:( baring in mind i wasnt allowed to eat from midnight last night, and had to have my last drink at 8! so yeah we went into the main hospital for a while, came back out to take my stuff out of ciarans car... Whilst doing this, ciar bent down to get something out of a bag, i didnt realise he was still there, so i decided (STUPIDLY) to slam the boot shut and it hit ciaran on the head, and at first i said sorry but i didnt think it would be that bad as ive seen him bang his head on the car many of time... up until it started gushing with blood, and i went white... I thought ciar had concussion, i thought OMG THIS DAYS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ME WHAT IF CIARAN DIES... obviously that was a joke guys... but seriously, it was so good that we were right next to an A&E, but by the end of it ciar got bored, it stopped bleeding and he went to tewkesbury's doctors instead, and they put some superglue on it, im sure if mum had superglue on her person she would just do it, but she didnt, and it was a shame... i would of liked to see that.
So that was the beginning of my day! apart from that, i signed in, i sat in the parents room from 7 till about 12, and by the time i got in my room it was time for me to go down to theatre... i told myself from the beginning i wouldnt cry, but as soon as i got told, i burst into tears... The thoughts going through my head were, what if i dont wake up, what if mums left on her own, what if this what if that, and to be honest im glad that anesthetist gave me a morphine valium mix to calm me down before anesthetic. So i lay down on the operating bed to get my drip and stuff in, the guy gave me this mixture before my anesthetic, and i cant even remember how many times i told my mum i loved her, i really was terrified, but in about 4 minutes (to me it felt) i would be awake again....
And i was.... 10 hours later...
Jesus H, i literally didnt realise how bloody late it was till the anesthetist came down with his bags and his normal clothes on, i woke up in shock, i was shaking continuously, my ass was in so much pain, but chest was in pain, i wanted my mum, i needed my glasses, i needed a pee, i needed a drink, i wanted to just scream personally... but apparently i was quite calm, strangely...
This time though i was glad i was kind of sat up, i did enjoy being sat up more than lying down, i had the same holes ive always had, and i had the canula and everything in my hand still so i knew i was safe. Doc Walsh came down with my mum and i have never been so happy in my life, i just wanted to get up and hug her... He had a word with mum, basically told her it didnt work again and told her the next op would probably mean a pace maker... apparently i made a comment saying 'i fucking told you i needed a pace maker 3 years ago' Which was very rude of me but because i couldnt remember, it didnt happen (even though my mother insists it did)
ANYHOO... my recovery went okay personally, i went straight back on my meds which was great, and i was gone the next day, even though i had bed sores on both my arse and my ankle, which is still not fully gone but was so painful it was unreal! No problems other than that, and the fact that they eventually have found after 9 years of poking and proding around my body, that it was the AV node, which (now ive read back on my notes) they actually discovered it 3 years ago...
Im home now, and ive never been so happy to see the end of an operation, i was so quickly stressed this time, unreal really i thought i wouldnt be but i was, but im glad again my mum was there, and still is there to help me through it.The first couple of days at home was dreadful, i could barely walk and my ass was getting worse, the warm cloth at bedtime helped though, and sure enough its nearly gone, it does cramp up now and again though but nothing like it was doing. As you can see to the right >
these are my wounds so far, i have the normal ablation leg ones which i always have anyway, you can see the scars from my others... and theyve only just started badly bruising, and then i discovered (once i came out of drugs and anesthetic (which still isnt fully out of my system in the nicest way possible)) i have a scalpel cut on the top left of my shoulder, and a puncture on the top right which i suppose was to help with the operation a bit more to get behind the heart. Other than that, no more wounds apart from two canula holes on my arm.
The only problem i did have was 2 days after my operation, i started having arythmia, now my heart rate is ALWAYS on meds from 70-90 beats per minute, but it was going really low like 56-60 and i was starting to get worried, thankfully after i took my second lot of meds of the day, it died down and touch wood it hasnt happened since.
Only today ive felt a bit chirpier, i got up and about today, and also went out for a bit it was nice to have the fresh air, but i am absolutely bombed now, my leg is in alot of pain from the bruising and healing, and to be honest even my chest hurts... i think i might of gotten too much air. But apart from that, im not fussed it didnt work again because i know for a fact that it wasnt going to, the only thing i am fussed about is whats going to happen next, and how bloody tired i am!
What is going to happen next (short summary from the doc whilst i was recovering from shock) was in 2 years time (so ill be 20 :O ) ill be having another operation *sigh* this one although, is alot more risky in a way, which i hated to hear but hey if you gotta hear it you gotta hear it... better knowing the worst than being told afterwards.
In 2 years time, ill be coming back to the dear land of bristol hospitality. I will be having another operation, which is alike to the one i am having but theyll only be using the cameras or something and using another electrical pulse thingy through a machine which is very strange (again once i get a full summary ill try make sense of it and post it) but anyway, that will happen and its a 50% chance that itll fix the AV node with no problems, but again its a 50% chance of heart block, and a definite pace maker either way by the end of it, whether i like it or not personally..
I thought thinking 'oh finally a pace maker!' would make me happy, but tbh it does scare me, yeah its in 2 years time, but a pace maker is a big thing and i have to fold my life around it, and bend it in ways i havent done before, i have to change alot, and it is a big deal... but if it fixes what ive been suffering with for 9 years, id be happy enough to have it.
This is what is helping me through my recovery, ive noticed so many people moan about their problems in life, and yano what alot of people now a days do have MAJOR problems... You shouldnt let your past get the better of you, it doesnt necessarily mean you are weak, but it will stop you from progressing into the future one way or another. And like i said alot of people have problems, but there is always someone worse off. For me its nice to know i have this safety net of Bristol Hospital, whether ill be in the childrens or in the big hospital, because there alot of people out in the world who dont have that advantage, or dont have the money for that advantage. It is definitely for me, a success either way for my next op, but alot of people in my hospital at the moment (childrens) have never felt success, because there life revolves around the hospital system, and alot of the children are from babies to toddlers.. The parents are working round the hospital routine, and alot of the parents in there are stronger than ever, they do break down and it does happen because unlike me, alot of the time you dont get the news of success, and they have to try and find happiness in the smallest of places, and the good thing is, is that i do see these parents smile, and i see these kids smile, and its a wonderful feeling to be surrounded by happiness, even in the darkest of places.
Remember that guys...
IVE MISSED WRITING SO MUCH!
STAY RAD mk xxx
Wednesday, 2 July 2014
Day one Bristol | what a busy ass day \m/
So hey guys...
I left my house at 9:00 this morning to get to Bristol for Archie's next scan, we discovered that his heart is growing and the left side is still small but definitely growing with the right, by the time that was done it was 12 o'clock so we had some time to kill as my appointment wasn't until 4!
There was a vintage shop called loot just by the car park, so we went in that and I bought a new vintage jacket!! 
I don't know who the team is but it's a pretty comfy ass jacket tbh, for £20!!
I don't know who the team is but it's a pretty comfy ass jacket tbh, for £20!! Anyone who visits Bristol don't go round the expensive shops and go to the vintages! There's a lot more than you realize tbh! And I love this jacket it's so warm and cosy.
As you can see the photo is of me back at home, basically what has happened is the hospital is so full with babies and toddlers that they were gna pay for a room at the premier inn, and I just thought to myself yano what I'll just go home.
For me I'm happy enough giving my room to a baby who needs it or twins or whoever, anyone that's more serious than me, my operation isn't till tomorrow and I'm second on the list so I don't have to be that early!
Seeing all the mums stressed out today over there babies, and other mums not being able to get rooms for there babies is upsetting, because they're worried about there well being and also the fact of the hospital being short staffed so all the nurses are running round mad trying to look after babies and toddlers. Me being older id happily give up my room for anyone that's worse off... They need help!
So yeah I'm back home but I'll be in tomorrow morning for theatre, have to wake up at 4:30 to get my shit sorted lol!
I'll try keep you all updated.
Stay rad mk xxx
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