Friday 19 June 2020

Remember me?

How funny that it is nearly EXACTLY 2 years since i submitted my last Captains Log... Strange.

This time two years ago i was an undergraduate in a very depressing job, with a very depressing mindset. This year hasn't been much better, but in a very different way.

Where do i start? 

I have learnt alot this year, i have experienced alot of death, and alot of life. I have learnt how to love myself a little more, and to be proud of my achievements. 

Here is a birds eye view of what has happened:

I was told that i had no heart condition anymore, but then was un-surprisingly let down by it reappearing, however i am in a different state of mind about it now. I have a phone appointment (why phone will be explained shortly) regarding the future of my heart, and the option of an operation regarding the re-mapping but not fixing of it. This has taken me alot to agree with, if you know me or have read previous blogs you know i have struggled with previous operations, and have a small amount of PTSD regarding my heart condition, but i have worked on myself for the past couple of years. Since that stint of "i'm fixed, oh no actually i'm not" i have come to the conclusion that it is worth me being re-mapped again, since my last one was atleast 10 years ago, for the sake of my future and to see what options there are. Again, this is a mental battle that only i can fight, but the support of my family and friends has helped me tremendously. 

I became a Bachelor of Science in 2019, passing with an overall 2:1 and have just submitted my Master of Science dissertation, it was a strange year. We finished university online due to current pandemic occurring namely labelled COVID-19 or Coronavirus (no not the beer), and i have not seen my friends since February, (this is also why the phone appointment, obviously). However, we have all supported eachother quite well i think, and i wouldn't be where i am today without them, they are the best friends i have ever had over a numerous amount of school years, i just wish we could have finished together, but hopefully Graduation will help complete our ritual.

I have had 3 deaths in the family, which have hit quite hard, but has brought together a strong family bond between cousins i think, i miss them all dearly and wish we could be together every day of the week, but alas with the 'rona we aren't able to see eachother. It has hit my family pretty hard, but as death does it makes you realise how important everyone is surrounding you. We miss you Damien, John and Janet, and you will forever be in our hearts. 

I have started a new job, in which i don't think i've ever been more proud of myself - i have come a long way from the unapologetically selfish Savers girl, i am now in a professional role that i feel i fit quite comfortably in, and the people i work with are just the best.

I got tattoos!! finally, i have 5 so far and i am planning for more when the 'rona lets me see my tattoo artist, definitely has allowed for me to have more freedom to express myself - be proud of your achievements, even if they are little!

I have discovered a new coping mecahnism for life, a new pathway if you wish, and have started to study Wiccan and witch-craft (not in the ookie spooky way), it has helped me to formulate a further understanding of what the universe has waiting for me, and has helped me with alot of situations this year. As you probably don't know, it is Mercury Retrograde between June and July, this is a tough time for many people and unfortunately passes through Venus retrograde as well as falling under the sign of Cancer. For me, this means movement, changing and decision making that may need to be discussed further, and it applies clearly to what is happening in my life right now, as well as what is happening with the world.

My daily Tarot and Rune reading helps me to keep focused and positive on my day to day affirmations, it helps me to realise that there is a plan out there and i just have to believe in myself. Whilst it has been a tough year i know that it has formed me as a person, to be a more understanding, loving and strong person. 

Maybe i will carry on these blogs now that i have time - maybe they will change into daily or monthly affirmations and what my daily tarots and runes may mean to me on the daily - who knows? i have more time on my hands now. 

Believe in yourself, no matter where you are in life right now, you will experience bad times and good times, but no matter what you are doing, or how you are feeling, it can only get better from here.

I will leave you with the lyrics to a song that is constantly in my head at the moment, and as always, stay rad.

Remember me, though i have to say goodbye, remember me, don't let it make you cry, for ever if i'm far away, i hold you in my heart, i sing a secret song to you each night we are apart.

Sunday 29 July 2018

A little reassurance and TLC.

To start off this post i want to just talk about the elephant in the room, the idea that i haven't blogged in about 100 years is ridiculous but it almost feels that long also.

Sitting here, with a cup of tea, after trying to fall asleep for 3 hours, has to be for something... right? The idea of sleep is a question to me, the reason for sleep is a question to me, i only sleep after doing heavy night shifts and being exhausted from them. If i wasn't so exhausted i would be up 24/7.

Alas, my brain is full of troubles and worries? is it? what is it thats in my head? does anyone else get to that time of the month (and no i dont mean that one) but almost like the year has hit you like a bus all of a sudden? I've been trying to get round my head how i've passed 2nd year, and i am now onto my 3rd and final year of university, the idea of a dissertation, the idea of final assignments, the idea that i haven't even started yet and i cant wait to get back to it. Being out of uni for some people is great, its freedom to do what you want (in any old time), to not have to worry about exams or assignments or going to lectures, but for me it makes me feel almost out of proportion? like my life has just been put on hold because i dont have assignments to write, i dont have exams to study for, i dont have lectures to attend.

I can't be without a routine, i think, i mean i have a routine with work, but thats only 16 - 20 hours a week, i have a routine around seeing my other half, but thats when i get to see him, but it almost feels like somethings missing. Now its not like i dont have work to do, i have plenty of work to be doing, especially regarding my dissertation, but i seem to have come to a halt in my brain mechanics. When youre room starts to become the mess that your brain is in, then maybe you need to stop and have a think about whats going on. My room has been a mess all month.

I've seemed to have discovered that every so couple of months i feel down (down, but definitely not out). I don't have a reason for it, nor can i even begin to think why i am down. There are many things that take over our lives in which makes you feel as though so introverted you actually prefer being on your own. Recently i have noticed i can't quite get into my books, i dont quite know what video game i want to play, i dont know if i want to watch a TV show or a movie, i've just constantly been sat on my phone scrolling through the same social media apps every night and day trying to figure out what im missing.

The issue im having tonight is exactly what i've just explained, i miss the routine of university, i'm constantly attached to social media, scrolling through, especially at night time just watching stupid videos of the littlest things that usually never interest me.

I forget that i went to blackpool almost 3 weeks ago and spent a lovely week away with my family, bar getting extremely sick and missing the last 3 days of consciousness due to drugs, i forget that i do have dissertation work to get stuck into and to be able to keep myself busy, i have a whole library of books and things to keep my mind racing of ideas, but instead i choose to be on social media scrolling through fake lives, fake posts on instagram, and wishing that i would finally get where i wanted in my life.

Maybe in my mind, its the fact that its my final year of university, its the fact that even now i dont quite understand what im going to do when i finish, whether my grades will be enough to have the job of my "dreams" or to get as far as i would like in life. Maybe its because im worried that second year will be too harsh and to much for me, that my dissertation will be awful and that ive forgotten every single thing. Maybe its because being out of uni i dont feel myself, i dont feel like i have the education in my brain anymore and i dont feel like i can tackle third year the way i want to.

Or maybe its just because i'm having a bad month.

Feeling introverted, and insecure is a terrible feeling, i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy, but ive come to the realisation that scrolling through social media feeds most of my day and into my night has not been helping. I'm missing out on alot of things that i could be doing all because i want to read the latest gossip or watch the latest videos on instagram.

The one thing that brought me back to reality tonight was the sound of laughter coming from my nephew who was only throwing up in the early hours of this morning, and it brought the thought to me that even in the most sickest times my nephew still has the energy to laugh at my mums silly antics. Also the fact that medication can do a wonderful thing to children.

I'm going to spend more time reading, doing some work every now and then, going for walks or drives to clear my head in clouded moments, and using going to bed as a wind down instead of a wind up. Spending less time on my phone and more time in the real world may help me to feel less introverted and more myself.

As i sit here, writing this, watching fantastic beasts and where to find them, i feel thankful for the access of writing that i forgot i had on this site, whether people read it or not, i like to think that people feel related to what i write, and understand that maybe if they are feeling down, it only takes a minute to step back and realise the outside of that little tiny machine that youre missing.

I hope youre all well, and i hope you read this with some insight into feeling that youre maybe not the only one who has tough months, read a book, play a video game, write something from the heart. It helps.

Stay rad
MK
\m/

Thursday 22 June 2017

Movie Review // Power Rangers // Spoilers

Everyone has heard of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, right? You know, the 5 older looking teenagers with tight spandex suits, and over accentuating hand gestures whilst talking?

My childhood, in one TV show, and movie set. I only watched the main 3 seasons, which included the main characters, and the 3 movies of my childhood set. Lets take a trip down memory lane.



 Season 1. The original rangers, well including Tommy, who only turned ranger after the hectic Rita Repulsa issues he has to deal with, oh how it brings back many'a memory. Good old Jason; Tyrannosaurus, Kimberly; Pterodactyl, Zack; Mastodon, Trini; Sabretooth Tiger and our favourite, Billy; Triceratops. Waking up in the morning for school, with my 2 brothers, watching it on a tiny TV we used to have in the kitchen, eating breakfast before we were whisked away to our individual hell holes, in which we all hoped was Angel Grove, and we were chosen as one of the 5 'teenagers with attitude' that Alpha 5 chose to become Power Rangers, alas, we could only dream.

Season 2. This is from the still of the movie Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, but its the different rangers from season 2, as changed because of unforeseen circumstances, the Black, Red and Yellow ranger had to change, introducing, Rocky, Aisha and Adam. In this season they changed to Ninja Zords, in which they lost the power of the original coins and gained new ones, new coins comes with new zords, abilities, meanings to their coins and names, such as Tommy, going from Dragonzord, to Tigerzord. Alike to above, it went as said Rocky; Ape, Kimberly; Crane, Adam; Frog, Aisha; Bear, and Billy; Wolf. That was one hell of a film aye? Ivan Ooze was the best villain. Rita got boring after a while, after that things changed dramatically, Kimberly went off and did her own thing with athletics, after new girl Kat was tricked by Rita to end Kim's life by stealing her Ninja coin. Kat then took over the Pink Ranger power, introducing the 2nd film i watched as a child... Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie:
                                                                             
Looking back, I'm glad i grew up with the TV shows and kids movies i did, and thankful for my brothers for not making me a girlie girl, always trying out wrestling moves, or playing with the copious amounts of Rangers toys we (still) have. Never had a morpher though, and to get all the coins and a morpher is over £100, but a girl can wish, it was a good way to grow up, anyone who watched the tragic TV show will understand.


Now, you may be sat there, unfortunately reading this blog, wondering why the hell I'm giving you the 3 year low down of the Mighty Morphin verse that many of us 90s babies grew up on, but here's the big one for you...

 DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?!?!?! THIS IS A NEW POWER RANGERS FILM THAT'S COME OUT THIS YEAR THAT I AM SUPER EXCITED ABOUT ITS ACTUALLY RIDICULOUS.

When the trailer first came out, me and my brothers were completely overwhelmed with different emotions, one side of our heads were going 'oh god they're remaking it' the other side was saying 'OH GOD THEY'RE REMAKING IT?!?!?'

You see?! this is the excitement i need as a nearly 21 year old, undergraduate.


The Review, kind of, i wont give too much away. 

Not only, is the storyline incredible, but it brings to light so many things we missed as kids watching the TV show, alot of things were added to make the story a bit more interesting, as I've said, the TV show was a bit... how do you say it... awful? But this storyline has brought my childhood back to life // spoilers ahead, if not seen the film.

It starts off, the suits that are in the above picture, in what looks like a post apocalyptic world, Green Ranger, Red Ranger currently on scene, Yellow Ranger slowly dying (its all quite emotional to begin with), then out of suit Bryan Cranston, who is the actor of Zordon, is identified as the Red Ranger!!!!!! (NEVER BEFORE HEARD INFORMATION ABOUT SAID RED RANGER), and the Green being Rita Repulsa (AGAIN NEVER BEFORE HEARD INFORMATION)!!!!!! i seriously lost my shit when it became clear that the Green Ranger was Rita, it made so much sense to the TV show.

The plot is, Rita is coming to Angel Grove, on search for gold to build Goldar (shock, he isnt a batfaced gold winged kiss ass), he is an actual Zord like villain in this film. There are no Rangers to protect Angel Grove, and the 5 who came across the coins? kind of coins not really just kind of gems in some kind of rock? have 11 days to get their shit together and morph, until it kicks off.

I like how these 5 teenagers with attitude, still, come together, how they find eachother; Billy, Kimberly and Jason (yes they kept the same names of the original characters, which HELLO BEST IDEA EVER), all met in detention, for different reasons, Kimberly knocked her ex-boyfriends tooth out, Jason stole a cow and put it in the boys locker room, and Billy, bless him, made his lunchbox accidentally explode. After a show of affection towards Billy, Jason and Billy have an immediate connection. Billy admits to Jason, that he is 'on the spectrum', which is why he's extremely smart, over thinks, uses big words, doesn't get sarcasm or jokes, and really makes my heart warm in relevance to the TV show, it makes sense why Billy is the smartest, and doesn't quite get the jokes.

Way further on, as I'm not going to explain every single piece of information, all Rangers find eachother, Trini, Zack, Kimberly, Jason, and Billy. And begin to form a sudden friendship, and change individually once finding the gems, extreme strength, surviving a train/car crash, and once getting back together discovered the under water cave/ alien hanger/ zordons brand new crib, plus finding Alpha 5, and Zordon.

Throughout these discoveries, they also discover that they will not be able to morph if they do not work together and become one. Something happens (I AM NOT SPOILING THAT BIT), that brings all of the Rangers to work together, not just as strangers, bit more closely to friends, but more of a family, and manage to open the morphing grid (in which we discover that Zordon only wants these 5 teenagers to train hard, and morph so he can go through the grid and become a ranger again), opening the morphin grid causes some stuff.......... not spoiling....... and BOOM THEY MORPH, INTO BRAND NEW FLASH SHINY SUITS, WHICH I LOVE, I HATED THEM AT FIRST BUT I LOVE THEM.

Then the action kicks off! The most amazing part? is the animation of the Zords, the animation of the suits, the not over accentuating hand gestures because you can see them moving as they removed part of the mask, THE ZORDS AREN'T TOYS, THEY AREN'T FILMED AS TOYS, THEY ARE BROUGHT TO LIFE BY ANIMATION... the best part of this AMAZING part? is the original film shot, of the Zords all lined up on a dust field, running with eachother, and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers theme tune playing along with it. I. Was. In. Tears.

Seeing the Zords actually fight, like the dinosaurs they are, working together all as one, and even on there last line up giving their all, and as much firepower as possible towards this giant literal gold Goldar, before falling into a pit where the crystal Rita is after, it was at that point i thought it was over, i thought they can't leave it here they haven't even created the MegaZord yet! My inner child was screaming COME ON YOU CAN DO IT, without realising they only had 11 days to work together, morph then all of a sudden get shoved into a Zord they can barely control, they dont know how to morph into MegaZord! Alas, rising out of the pit, is the most wonderful MegaZord i have ever been more proud of to see. Kicking ass taking names, the Power Rangers way

GOD I AM SUCH A NERD
...Although i enjoyed the film, they put Jason David Frank (original Tommy) and Amy Jo Johnson (original Kimberly), at the end of the film, filming the MegaZord on their phones, i don't know whether it's in relation to them being the old Rangers watching the new ones, or its just a quite quip to the old TV show and Movies, in reality i didn't think they were needed, but i liked how they were put into it to give childhood chills, also making most of us 90s babies feel old.

I can't believe, the production company brought my childhood to life, in many more ways than one, i was completely blown away by it all, i loved every single moment of it, and i will continue to watch it over and over. It is by far my favourite film so far this year, although i haven't seen Wonder Woman yet, so that could change things. I genuinely give this film a high 10/10.

I have left some bits out, in fact there is alot i missed out, parts of the storyline that is important, other tid bits, and that i didn't want to mention. In return, i give you the best advice i can, WATCH THIS FILM. seriously, whether you're a childhood Ranger or not, watch it. It's incredible.

Stay Rad
\m/
                                                                              

Tuesday 6 June 2017

6th of June 2017

//this is going to be extremely long, i apologise.

When i created this blog, i expected to update and write every day, not just about my life but book reviews, controversial arguments, the world that it is today. Alas things get forgotten whilst living out your life as an undergraduate.

Criminologist Undergraduate at the University of Gloucestershire, my first year is finally over. The reason for not writing is purely that i didn't understand how busy i would actually be. On top of starting a 3 year course of my favourite past time studying, i started working a weekend job at Savers, in Tewkesbury, the town where i currently reside, to get some extra money in my pocket for the little things in life, in turn giving me even less time to enjoy the things i love, like reading and writing.

A few months ago, before starting/being accepted into University, before some things came to ends, on a quick jaunt to Bristol hospital for what is classed as a 'check-up' resulted in me being informed after 13 years on a 6 month appointment yearly, (jesus 13 years?), to that me, as a patient, can now come for appointments openly, and that i don't have to go back unless something is wrong. I was told that staying on tablets, and not needing another heart wrenching (literally) ablation unless something bad happens, and to hear that my heart condition has improved, was a proud moment for me and my family. After everything me and my family have been through, 13 years worth of it, 6 operations worth of high hopes of being fixed then being shot down after every one, but alas as Doctor Stuart, who has been dealing with me since i was 8 years old, has fought hard for my safety, and has seen me grow with every operation, he said that 'technology isn't ready for you yet', if i have to take tablets for the rest of my life, and it keeps me breathing and my heart beating, i am more appreciative of the triumphant work he has done for me, than being fixed. In technicalities, my 'wolff-parkinson white syndrome' has at some point either disappeared or by many operations has been scared off and is no longer a definition of what is wrong with my heart, it is now something more complex, but easier to handle, not anymore or anyless dangerous. To be told that my heart condition is manageable, is a complete breath of fresh air for my life, i am NOT fixed, but its just as much of a nuisance as a headache now. I've been handed the acceptance of my life on a golden plater, and can now live my life the way i want and not be controlled by my heart, in turn giving me the confidence, strength and belief in myself to apply to University.

New beginnings for my brother and his now wife, with my nephew Archie, they got married the 2nd of July 2016, coming up to their first year anniversary soon! It was a beautiful ceremony, which involved many family members, and friends. It was an amazing day to remember, and lucky for me (one of not many) i can remember the night vividly. Aisling looked beautiful, Archie giving the rings, even though he couldn't have cared less, in the nicest way possible (sorry guys, but did you really expect a 1 year old to carry a pillow, with rings, straight, infront of shiny things that could distract him), Ciaran scrubbed up nicely also, kind of. But most of all, they enjoyed their celebratory night of being a married couple, a couple i can forever see together, no matter the squabbles, or how much i want to rip their eyes out, i love them dearly, and am proud of both of them. Here are some pictures:



Along with that, a couple of months (basically a whole year) later, we are expecting another McMillan into the family! No, it isn't me, its of coarse the married couple, McMillan 2.0 as we call them. Theo Patrick McMillan, due September, surprisingly close to Archibalds 3rd birthday! It's definitely an exciting time for the new welcome.

With new beginnings comes new ends, as to say, whilst a positive vibe all round was present for being accepted into University, came some news that definitely made me change my outlook on the new pathway i took. One door closes, another door opens, and that door opened on the 21st of September 2016, in the presence of an amazing human being, J. A sudden, exciting, and happy change to the few dark days that were hanging around the air. When given an opportunity to change life for the better, to take on new concepts, new ideas, new choices, it is always best to do what your heart tells you, and my heart taught me right, opening a whole new sub-chapter in the chapter i had already started.

When it comes to assignments, i thought college was hard, but in comparison Uni is a completely different 'kettle of fish', as my mother would put so blandly, first year consisted of four modules, not all of which i enjoyed, some were of the subjects i have always been interested in, some were of the subjects that didnt interest me at all, and some grew my interest into subjects i didn't even think i'd be interested in! Along with modules, comes paperwork, power-points, lost stationary, lost books, library fines, stress, stress... alot of stress, but in the same time so much enjoyment. I've come to the conclusion that i enjoy studying, i enjoy writing assignments, i enjoy reading academic books, and if all i enjoy keeping myself busy with these things. University was definitely the right path for me, academia has always been a good path for my mind, and to be able to study and write about a subject i have always been interested in, is a god send. Exams have been and gone, 3 in total, and i felt more confident over them than the assignments i had wrote, but in all my grades have been extremely suprising with over-excessive 'OH MY GODS' and 'REALLY?' and extreme support from my family and J, gave me the hope to believe in myself through the 2 more years ahead of me.

With 3 months left until i start my 2nd year of Criminology, i've decided to start up my favourite hobbies and past times again, reading and writing, throughout the next weeks/months to come i will be publishing a book review of whichever book i have finished reading, and updates every so often of my continous opinions of the world, as i have missed this dearly.

Love as always, and stay rad.
\m/

MK.


Monday 1 August 2016

11.22.63 / Book Log / spoilers maybe?

How bloody long has it taken me to finish this book? it became a burden after a while, but soon enough i got interested in it again. 8 weeks it took me, not just because it is such a big book, but because i wouldnt be able to sit and read a couple of chapters in one sitting. So much information!!

Everyone is a fan of conspiracy theories, i know i am, for many'a reason, its what makes things interesting, especially history. Every historical incident has a good amount of conspiracy theories with it. This book is based around a conspiracy theory, and the butterfly effect.

The Butterfly Effect is a concept in chaos theory, its the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a determinilistic non-linear system can result in a large difference in a later state. Now this may sound all complex and scientific, but it is extremely easy to understand.

This book contains history, science, mystery, fiction, and indeed horror, i mean it is a stephen king book, it wouldnt be one if there wasnt some type of extestential crisis going on inside it. Ive been a fan of King for quite some time now, although ive only recently got into reading his books, ive read Pet Semetary (well as much as my scarediness could handle), and Carrie, and have a few more to get through till i fully have an opinion of him as a writer, but this book was magnificent, it was alot different to his others, although its based in Maine as most (mostly all) of them are, and contains the general idea of his writing, but its just so different to the two ive read.

Before i go on, this book has been made into a TV show with James Franco as the lead character, i havent watched it yet and im planning to, but decided to read the book before hand, my boyfriend, he watched the tv series and we compared differences, and although it was pretty much on the same line there was many a difference to the book, as there always is. But i still want to watch the tv show just to see what its like as i love the book.

The story is based around a man called Jake Epping, who is an English teacher, he has a failed marriage, and is pretty much getting no where in life. Throughout the story there is so many types of lines of stories that are included and again brought up throughout the story. But a couple of main ones; The story of Harry Dunning, an older gentlement in Eppings English class, who wrote a story about the night his father killed his whole family, it was gruesome (just like stephen king likes), and ugly and horrible to read, but gave Epping an initiative later on to see what would happen if things were to change, i will get to that soon though. And the story of course of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

JFK was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald on the 22nd of November 1963, this in itself is a conspiracy theory, many have thought that Oswald wasnt the one who did it, it was the CIA because JFK was initially a naughty boy as a president and got himself into a lot of trouble because of his opinions of things, because he was the president, he was allowed to do so, and put actions towards his opinions. Many thought it was the Mafia, many even thought it was his drivers in his car. But in the end it always comes back to Lee Harvey Oswald, and his rifle. Although he was shot with a fatal wound shortly after the death of JFK, by Jack Ruby, so he could not speak upon the matter, so i guess no one knows but the government or the people with the paperwork. I dont know much about the subject, nor the history but this book has ALOT of information in it that adds up extremely well whether its been made up or not. I know Stephen King had to study and fork out alot of information before writing this book and i think it makes sense to why he has done, so he had every bit of factual history in order for it to come across as completely true.

Down the lines of this film, Epping has a friend Al Templeton who shows him the 'rabbit-hole' to the same date and time of a couple of years before JFK was shot, no one knows why but its there. Templeton asks Epping if he can go and do what he couldnt, because cancer caught up to him, and try and save JFK. Templeton was in Vietnam, and was indeed scarred by it, as alot of soldiers were, but thought that if JFK was saved, there would be no Vietnam. Who knows what caused Vietnam? who knows if JFK caused it, but in this story a big change happens, when Epping finally gets his way.

The story gets on, and Epping goes to save Harry Dunning, from his drunken abusive father, the past works against him, it doesnt want to be changed, it does everything and anything to stop Epping from changing it, such as giving him a bad stomach, giving him an accompliss who attempts to stop him, trying anything in the strength of the world to stop him from saving Harry Dunnings family because it will cause a serious problem in the Land of Ahead, if he changes things in the Land of Ago. The first time it doesnt work, but the second time it does, this in turn has caused a butterfly effect in the Land of Ahead, a serious one at that. Once this is done he moves on in his life.

The way he started getting his money was betting, obviously coming from 2011 Al wrote down all of the football games, baseball games, boxing matches and every other sport you could think of that could be bet on just so he could get some money during that era on gambling. Alas this got Epping into trouble because he didnt bet safe, he bet stupid amounts of money on the games and in turn got one of his houses burnt down, and later on in the film got himself nearly killed by a beating. But sooner or later he started to notice that gambling wasnt an easy income, he couldnt gamble all the time it was near impossible and unsafe for him to play that game, so because he was an English teacher in the Land of Ahead, he decided to become a subsitute one in the Land of Ago, in a school in Jodie.

During his time in Jodie, he was also living in certain houses which could easily keep an eye on Oswald when he shortly arrived  back from Russia, and then from Cuba later on. He always went back to his houses just to keep an eye on him, listen in on his conversations although most were in russian, witness the beatings that Marina got off him, and seen how he acted when it got closer to the important moment in history. He watched him constantly on and off when things were going well in Jodie, he saw June, Oswalds daughter grow, he watched Marina get comfortable with some russian neighbours, and he saw Oswald get close to, what Epping thought, was an accomplis. Epping didnt want to make a move, because of the amount of conspiracy theories surrounding the assassination of JFK, he didnt know if Oswald was a lone gunman or not, he wanted to make sure, hense the secretive mics in the lamps, and living close to him to watch his actions, he wanted to see if it was just him.

In Jodie he met Sadie, sadie was a beautiful woman the way King described her, she was tall, blonde, extremely clumsy but all in all a lovely girl. Epping obviously fell in love with her, the way their love unfolded was beautiful, it was such an amazing relationship they had going on, and alas because its a King book, it didnt last very long, there was lots of problems, the major one being Sadies ex-husband, or was still her husband but was seperated from him, he was psychotic, he never slept with her thought she was disgusting hated the thought of even looking at her, Sadie recalled to Epping that he actually put a broom between them in the bed because he was disgusted by her. Epping was worried, he had a feeling that the husband would come back and hurt Sadie but no one would listen to him, until he obviously came back and threatened to kill Sadie unless Epping would turn up so he could kill them both, at the end he disfigured Sadie cut her cheek wide open, and left some serious hospital bills and facial reconstruction to be done from it, then slit his own throat. Throughout this Epping decides to confide in Sadie about his mission, the fact he was from the future and proved it with his gambling skills, and the fact that he knew JFK was going to come into town and through the street he was killed on before anything was even decided, that proved it for Sadie, although Epping didnt tell her everything, he didnt want her to get attached or invovled because the past works against itself and has already got him in to trouble before, he didnt want her to get hurt too.

So pretty eventfull relationship i say, then Epping gets beaten up by gambling thugs, and is partially brain damaged, in a coma for a while and can barely remember what hes in that country for, he gets the Land of Ahead confused with Ago, he gets Sadie mixed up with his ex-wife, he believes he has something important to do but cant remember what and the last stages of the book it is all about him remembering, going to the places that will help him remember, and doesnt tell Sadie what he is actually remembering but Sadie soon finds out. Epping goes back to the house he lived below Oswald in, and then stays in Junes old bedroom the day before the incident, he wakes up to Sadie, there are the right time because if she wasnt he would of more than likely slept through it.

So both him and Sadie fight against the past in order to get to the Book Depository where Oswald was working and shot JFK at the time, and was faught against majorly, first by his Chevy's wheel completely breaking off its axel, then by a truck majorly crashing in to the bus they were attempting to take, they then stole a rusted busted old car into as close as they could to town and walked half the way until he found his old car, well not his but exactly like his in a different colour and thought it was the past harmonizing with itself, they stole the car and drove the rest of the way they could to the depository. They climbed the steps and low and behold Oswald was sat on the 6th floor left hand window with his rifle aimed at the car JFK was riding through the street, Epping and his .38 police gun missed twice whilst trying to aim for him, and unfortunately as Epping fell over whilst Oswald had his rifle aimed at him the shot went through and through Sadie, and unfortunately, it was only a consequence of the past not wanting to be changed. Sadie passed away because they changed an initial and most likely important part in history that shouldnt have been changed, as Epping soon found out when he went back to the land Ahead. Before doing so he got a call from the president and Jackie Kennedy herself thanking him for saving their lives, although for Epping it wasnt worth the fact that he lost the love of his life, it wasnt a fair trade, and he knew what to do.

Before heading back to the Land of Ahead, a man who was introduced in the first moments of Ago, the 'green, yellow, orange, and black card' man, was there waiting, the cards sooner or later were found out to be his psychosis, the way his mind was handling being on these different 'strings' of rabbit-holes in history. Two different men, one at the beginning was trying to stop Al and Epping when he got there to change the past, as it was tangling the strings of history and sooner or later those strings would snap, as the man at the end of the book told him, he told him that if he continued to change the differences in time, whether that be talking to a certain person, buying something from a shop, the likes of saving Harry Dunning, or saving JFK, whichever change, big or small it all has an effect, and if there is alot of changes in one timeline the effect it has on the Land of Ahead is excrutiating, and dangerous. When Epping goes back into the land of Ahead the world is completely different, the amount of differences there actually is, is ridiculous. Most of the world is radiated by the bombs that have been dropped by America, there are earthquakes on a daily basis, and weird sounds in the sky that could only be what the card man said, the world is being destroyed because of the different strings. He meets Harry Dunning for the last time, in this new Land of Ahead, and Dunning continues to tell Epping what the world has come to since the saving of JFK, and it was major, major enough for him to want to go back,  not just to save sadie but to save the world in general. The card man had told him he needs to come back and break the circle, but he didnt know which route to go down yet.

He chose that the only way he could do it was to break the circle, did he want the world he was living in now be destroyed just because a president had been assassinated? would it be the same with Lincoln? or Martin Luther King Jr? or any important person that was killed. All because an old chef, Al, didnt want Vietnam to happen. Vietnam had to happen, all the wars in my opinion had to happen or we wouldnt live in the country we lived in today. Epping did think that was someone else on other strings changing the world, hense 9/11 or the many terrorist attacks, or any of the world wars. He went back to the Land of Ago, a complete reset of that time, and did nothing but write the book i have read, he then buried it next to the river he threw his phone into, wrote a letter to sadie then ripped it up, wrote a letter to the school and deke warning them about sadies husband, but then burnt it. Many things he did in that time back in the Land of Ago, but not one thing changed the world that he had to live in, he let Harry Dunnings father kill his family, he let JFK die just as the history was supposed to happen, then went home.

As he was home he got his job back as a teacher, tried his hardest not to find Sadie, but in the end he did his research and found out that her husband did what he had to do, and scarred her for life, but she became citizen of the year in Jodie in 2011, and Epping soon found out they had a dance on, in which he attended, and met Sadie for the first time in the Land of Ahead. She had no idea who he was, but she felt as though he knew her from somewhere, but to Epping it didnt matter if she was 80, or scarred, she was alive, and thats all that mattered to him.

This book guys honestly, i know ive just ruined this story probably but you need to read it, it is a must read. Even if you dont like Stephen King i feel as though this book doesnt match to the other horrors hes wrote, its history at the end of the day. And after reading it its made me want to research the assassination, buy a bunch of books about it and study it, historical fiction makes me do that.

11.22.63 is a brilliant book and i advise anyone that loves history, fiction, horror, mystery, romance, any type of genre ever to read this book. Bring on the TV series! in my next blog i will be commenting on it once ive finished it!

At the moment im waiting for the new Harry Potter and the Cursed Child to arrive so i can read it, although im sat wondering if i should just start Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman, ill decide if it arrives tomorrow.

The other amazing thing thats happened, my FAVOURITE and i mean FAVOURITE book at the moment, American Gods by Neil Gaiman is being made into a TV Series also, ive already seen the trailer that was aired at Comic Con this year, and i nearly cried, im so excited it looks exactly what im expecting it to be but i doubt theyll put every story into it that is included in the book but the main story is enough for me, i really hope it turns out to be what i expect!!
The picture next to this paragraph is of a shot from the new TV series, it includes Shadow, Mr Wednesday and Mad Sweeney when they first meet eachother.

Stay rad!

MKM x

Monday 13 June 2016

The Girl on the Train, and in the wrong place at the wrong time... ~ Book Log | spoilers maybe???? ~

I read this book in 4 and a bit days... 4 days people!!! That is the quickest i've ever read any book, and i swear it. i was obsessed. Can i just start off by saying that i didnt start the black dahlia, i apologise.

Secondly this is the most fucking fucked up fictional book that i have EVER read in my life. but it was so intriguing, the different lives and stories all conjoining into one.

It starts with one girl, on the train, literally as the title of the book says it begins with a girl on the train, the same trains she takes daily to a job she doesnt actually work at anymore, whilst drinking a hell load of alcohol (what a life aye). Rachel, but it isn't a great life, her life, later on in the book, when her memories come back... eventually, you find out that she was abused by her husband, who put the blame on her all the time after getting blindo drunk, telling her lies of the stories that happened the night before when it was really the other way round. It ruined her, he had an affair, with a girl he then moved in and got pregnant and married and closely fell in love with, which broke her. So she became more of an alcoholic than she planned to be, lost her job for coming in half cut one day and now lies to her 'friend' and landlord that she goes to work, takes the train to London every day.

Anyway... going back to the beginning Rachel takes the train every morning and evening, and the train stops at a specific stop right infront of the old street she should still be in, her ex-husband and now wife/old-mistress lives in, and another two faces she see's everytime she stops. She makes lives based around what they look and act like, and is witness to a suspect that may have been involved in the murder of Megan, the girl who she watches, and her boyfriend Scott. Megan goes missing, and is found a few weeks later buried in the forest just near to where she lived, she was pregnant as autopsies found out.

There are many chapters, i call them chapters but they are more like the storyline seperated into certain paragraphs, but each 'chapter' is a different persons version of the story, and it goes between Megan, Rachel, and Rachels ex husbands new wife Anna. They all have different aspects of the crime that was committed, especially closer to the end, the explanation and description of how megan died was horrendous both from Megan's perspective, and her killer, Rachels ex-husband Tom's perspective as he confesses infront of his two wives. Anna's story is based around the fact that shes terrified of Rachel, after the night Rachel visited her house and took her baby and stood in the back garden with her for no reason. Anna had no idea that Tom was having an affair, just like he had done with Rachel, right under Anna's nose, as Megan was a babysitter for their child for some time.


Anna's story concludes that after Anna started thinking about Tom's lies, she started to be suspicious, checked his computer, but nothing was on it, checked his phone, nothing. But as an argument occured between the two of them, Tom left to 'go to the gym', Anna found his gym back shortly after under the bed with a phone, in which had no battery left, after a brief moment of charging, she found that the harrassment call logs she kept in which she thought Rachel was contacting him didnt add up, and so she decided to ring the number calling that specific found, to soon find out it was Megan's voice. Meanwhile in Rachel's story, after a brief argument and fight with Megan's husband Scott, after trying to help him with the other man in Megan's life and lying to make it easier, she got home and that argument caused her to get some drunken memories back of the times with Tom in which he made up stories to make her feel bad, she also in that moment, remembered what happened to her on the fatefull night of Megan's death, she was there, and saw Tom walking up to her and smashing her head with something hard, (explaining the massive lump and blood on her hands), and then getting into a car with which at first she thought was Anna, but was actually Megan, in her red top and jeans (which she was found in), these memories coming back on the sofa of her apartment made her rush to Tom's house to confront Anna about the situation. A conversation starter really, 'did you know that my ex husband, your husband now, who cheated on me with you, may have had ANOTHER affair with your babysitter and also may have possibly killed her?' With a child on her lap, and Rachel flustered over the sudden rememberance of the past, Anna didn't know what to believe. Tom walked through the door and all hell broke loose. At first he tried to lie through his teeth, tried to make Anna believe in what he was saying, heck i think he even believed what he was saying but soon after Rachel tries to run the true Tom comes out, abusing Rachel again, chucking her back inside the house and basically keeping her prisoner. He soon confesses over what had happened with Megan, that she was pregnant with his baby and that Megan was not letting it go, and was not going to be a single mother again after what happened when she was younger, as she lost a baby by drowning in the bath by accident when she fell asleep, she was distraught to find that he didnt care and flipped out on him, he lost it, threw a rock at her it went badly, extremely badly so bad he had to 'finish it off', anyway as he was confessing this, Rachel soon tried to escape again, and Tom attacked once more, this time badly, he told Anna to go upstairs with the baby and stay there till he called back down, it flashes back and forth towards both sides of the story, Anna's and Rachels, Rachel soon got the better of him and attacked him back, and again tried to make a run for it but briefly got the hand on a corkscrew, she stabbed him, right there and then stabbed him, whilst Anna secretly rung the police and ambulance, and came back out and made sure the job was well done, she continued to screw the corkscrew in even more. The two wives, working together to defeat this inhumane man with the pain and suffering he caused many people.

I loved this book, it brought to light a lot of the things people dont speak about, domestic violence, alcoholism, loosing babies, affairs, and eventually murder, it brings alot of truths into a small book with a great story, and it hit hard when reading through it to think that women, and men, go through their lives in situations similar to the book, not so much the murdering side although it does happen to wives, ex-wives, ex-husbands mistresses and the like. I definitely 100% put forward this book for anyone who is a fan of mystery, murder, interested in people's lives and stories and can sit and read a book and not want to put it down because i didn't want to put it down at all. If it wasn't for me being busy at some points this weekend, i would have finished it earlier, but alas i was busy and finished it in 4 days, its a record for me in all honesty!!!!

Half of what ive wrote in this blog isn't even the full story its the briefest of briefts i have ever written about a complex story line, and i dont think i could of explained it any better, its the best individual book ive read in a while.

I've seen the trailer for the up and coming film, it has an amazing actress as Rachel in it, i hope she lives upto the role, i hope the whole film lives up to my expectations i know films made from literature dont sometimes, i just really have enjoyed this book and i hope to enjoy the film just as much. Just remember, the films are never as good as the books!

Hope you enjoyed my review, next is the biggest one yet. 11.22.63.

Stay rad!
mkm

Wednesday 8 June 2016

I finished it... ~ Book Log & minor life information ~

After at least 2 years with the Rick Riordon Percy Jackson and Heroes of Olympus books, I have finished the series... I should start off by saying if your not interested in reading reviews of books, dont read this... and also its going to seem all over the place as im explaining my favourite parts of said series... back to the scheduled viewing.

I don't even know what to say, or to put into words how emotional and exciting and warming the whole series is.

I started reading the percy jackson series when it first came out, as i noticed it was wrote upon my favourite mythology, greek, not only that but it was a YA book, and everybody knows a YA book is so worth it 100%, its a guilty pleasure. So as i was saying, i picked up the first one and started reading it not realising how good it was until i re-read it a couple of years later, i lost my copy, so borrowed a friend of mines copy, and she had a couple of the next ones... i read them in atleast 3 weeks, 3 books in 3 weeks... i was obsessed, i had to buy my own set. Eventually i gave my friends copy back and bought my own Percy Jackson set, and re-read the books a third time just to get myself into the jist of it. As i came to the last book, my heart was out of my chest there was so many different types of cliffhangers, and heartache and parent-child relationship problems, and a massive amount of mythology, i felt my brain was going to explode! but allas i got to the last book, and had no more to read, i wanted more, i bought 3 textbooks of greek mythology afterwards and spent 2 months studying it (again, from being a kid) and studying it until i, myself, thought of moving to greece just to learn more and worship those gods, im not even religious! i believe more in the greek mythology and gods than i ever have done my own religion. They brought out the PJ films, and even though i do enjoy watching them, they aren't quite the books, they dont give the information needed, but they did slightly include thalia, although she was a tree at the time, and at the end of Sea of Monsters, she came back.. cliff-hanger in the film yet they haven't made another one??? annoying. Trust me folks, read the books!!!!!

As soon as i heard that Rick Riordon was writing another series of the Percy Jackson world, named Heroes of Olympus, at first i was skeptical as i was worried that it wasnt going to be the mythology i enjoyed, alas i bought the first two books read them wasnt interested in them until a couple of years later, and i was again obsessed with the series, the fact that it had a bunch of new characters in it, and the fact that they included the Roman sides of the gods, and thus their demi-god children, Jason, the son of Jupiter (Zeus' roman form) and is originally from Camp Jupiter, a very Roman version of Camp Half-Blood, Piper (soon found to be daughter of Aphrodite, completely different to other Aphrodite kids), and Leo (son of Hespheastus, found the hidden camp 9, with Festus, his bronze dragon), Hazel (a daughter of Pluto, Hades Roman form, died in the past, and brought back to the present by brother Nico), and Frank (son of Mars, Ares Roman form, and can also turn into animals, and is also half canadian half chinese, a brilliant character) what a great concept! I was so excited on where he took it, and thats when i met my favourite character of the series.. Leo Valdez, what an absolute babe, he was my favourite out of the HoO series, along with Nico Di Angelo. I wasn't a fan of Nico in the PJ series, he was extremely problematic, and i felt as though he wasn't explained enough, but in HoO he was included a lot more he was definitely an important character, and Rick Riordon introduced him half way through the series as gay, or bisexual, or confused.. I think definitely gay though, Cupid forced him to speak about his secret, his crush on Percy (HOW CUTE B T W ?) and how Percy broke him by promising to keep his sister, Bianca, alive by puttin her into the Hunters of Artemis, alas Bianca was killed, and Nico hated Percy for it, although he loved him alongside that, when Percy got with Annabeth, Nico was jealous, had a problem and throughout the HoO series there was that speculative problem (up until the Cupid encounter, when Jason found out) that he was in love with Percy, in the last book he confronts percy with this secret hes been keeping and walks away saying 'youre not my type', to a could be lover Will Solace, son of Apollo, again there was some serious dialogue and hints between them in the last moments of the battle... So Rick Riordon made a character i wasn't pleased about, to a character i loved, to even more loved by then continuing to describe him as a gay character! what a writer. Anyway moving on from that (i get distracted when talking about my favourite characters im sorry). The last book ended (before the last chapter) of Leo going up on Festus and destroying Gaia, whilst a comet mix of Octavian, explosive and Imperial Gold also hit the dragon, the earth mother, and my favourite character. I was devestated, both Nico and Hazel (who can sense death, i mean their dad is hades, theyve both been to the underworld... come on) agreed and put forward that Leo was dead, it was a different death as nico explained, but he was dead... The last chapter showed that Leo was dead, came back to life with the Physicians cure from Apollo and his Son, and was on his way to Calypso, like he promised. How romantic...

Another favourite part, maybe not for the characters but when Percy and Annabeth fell into Tartarus, what an explanation of the worst place in mythology, the gods and titans and monsters they found there, the pain and sorrow they went through, and the fact that they met Tartarus face to face, the explanation of the whole scene, the chapters that are wrote about their times in tartarus, the imagination it created in my mind, i wish my art was as good as it used to be, i would have drawn it, or would i even be able to. It was intense.

Both series are amazing, but i have to say after finishing HoO, it is by far my favourite series, the different types of characters with their different parents, the Greek/Roman gods fighting with eachothers sides, the insanity Gaia caused in some minor gods, and everyone else. It really brought up some different stories of the mythology i fell in love with, and stories and minor gods id never heard of before that i soon searched up to read about.


Well i apologise that after so long of NOT writing a blog, i wrote one completely out of the blue about a book series, but i feel as though this is what ill do with this blog now, there isn't anything interesting going on in my life at the moment but in this brief moment i have out of 'book lover mode'.

I finished college, my crminology course of 3 years is sadly over, and hopefully if i get the grade i need to, i will be taking it to University this september, my doctors (heart) have said that after 11 years, i can be on an appointments basis by only needing to see a doc when i need to, meaning that they trust my medicines and me enough by letting me live my life, basically given me permission on a golden platter that im atleast at my healthiest, but unfortunately technology isnt ready for me yet... Meanwhile being on a SlimFast diet for 2 weeks (upto my docs appointment) and walking a mile every morning, i lost a stone, for the first time in 3 years, ive gotten out of the 16 stone bracket, and now nearly in the 14 stone bracket if i keep working hard enough, which im pretty darn happy about, 2 good news in one day. Nothing else has happened recently, getting stuff ready for my brother Ciaran and his fiancé Aislings wedding, on the 2nd of July, their stag and hen dos are in the next couple of weekends, so thats going to be super fun, other than that nothing major has happened, nothing i can explain deeply enough for it to be interesting.


For people who are obsessed with books, i hope you enjoy this confusing and all-over-the-place review of the series i have finished, my next book is The Black Dahlia by James Ellroy, and i will be writing reviews of every book i read now. I have plenty to get through i tell you that.

To everyone else reading this hoping there was something interesting to find out about my life, nope, i apologise, nothing new here, but i hope you enjoyed the review to(soz).


STAY RAD HOMOSAPIENS. \m/
mkm