I'm such an idiot, literally... I thought i was going into hospital on Tuesday and im not, im going in on Wednesday! Seriously messing my days up, cant believe its coming closer so quickly.
HEY GUYS ITS 7:36 ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOOOOOOOOON !!
I havent had the best day, on tops ive had about 12 tachy's and theyre getting annoying, today ive been monitoring my palpitations on a doppler, that mums to be use (ash gave me hers), and its weird to see my heart beat go from resting (sort of) at about 80 to go to 160-170 in the matter of about 3-4 minutes. It scares me tbh, and because its so quick its weird feeling and i do this weird breathing thing to make it go away, i dont know how it works but it does. I used to have to use a glove, and blow into it like its a DUI test until it goes away... But its tiring me out majorly, because its so quick here and gone its making my body go OMG SHOULD I WORK HARDER NOW OR DO I JUST STAY NORMAL. i still dont think my body is completely educated on how my heart works, and now weve realised im exactly like a black bird. Their wings move really fast, but they move really slow... My heart moves really fast, but i move really slow...
Ive been waking up at 6ish every morning with the first tachy of the day, and thats pretty annoying cause half the time it takes me a while to go back to sleep. Irritating as fuck!! Then i get back to sleep about 8 and wake up at about half 9 again, so im not really sleeping well at all... i should be smart and start going to bed earlier but i dont lol, obviously my advice to other people doesnt work on myself.
BUT ANYWAY.... my day today has been boring tbh, i got up this morning, and me and me mam was going to make a pie but we ended up not doing it cause we were both so tired. Instead i moved the xbox into the living room to play some games, but then i played like 10 minutes and i couldnt be bothered to carry on.. so i turned that off, so i turned to netflix, and i wanted to put AHS on but i didnt because again i couldnt be bothered, but i found another film...
Gothika! Halle Berry and ROBERT DOWNEY JR.. mmmmmmm!
My reaction was basically WHAT THE HELL... was so confused on what the story was but it was amazing! basically it began with Halle Berry being a psychiatrist and shes dealing with a patient who says she is being raped by the devil (i know pretty creepy) but yeah so that was one of her patients... and all of a sudden it went from one extreme to another!!! She found a girl on the way home, in the rain, and she bursts into flames and transfers into Halle Berrys body... anyway not going to explain the whole thing... Halle berry's husband run the institute, and she killed him (but being possessed by the girl not her actually doing it) and then she found out later on that he was raping and killing patients in the institute in a barn that they used to go on holiday to, and it was just so messed up, this ghost was forcing her to go and find out the ghosts story! it was amazing... these sort of films make me believe that that sort of stuff is out of there... and then we watched the AMAZING film stigmata!! absolutely love that film because its about demonology!! one of my favorite subjects...
Demonology is the study of demons and the devil, but the thing is you have to know your religious studies to understand demonology, but i absolutely LOVE the subject, its so bloody interesting!!!! i wish there was a study here that i could do, but its only in america and it costs SHIT loads of money to do online! i also love Crimonology, Criminal Forensics, and Greek mythology, lol i have a weird range of studies id love to do!!
>>I wish i did separate science so i could do it in AS and go to uni to do Criminal Psychology and Forensics, but i screwed that up in tewkesbury lol! << AND ANYWAY! so yeah i love that film!
I havent done anything else really...
BUT i do have something to rant about... my brothers fiance ash wrote a blog the other day, and yes i am having a NEPHEW which is so cool, but ill tell the story now before the rant..
Ash had a scan at 20 odd weeks and found out that archie (Nephews name) has a problem with his heart (i know convenient right) talking about my heart i just had another tachy.. TACHY NUMBER 13!!! >> anyway, arch was diagnosed a couple of days after with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, and some small narrowing of an arch on the heart... So everything ash has been thinking about is being as good as a parent as she can to Arch as she can.
SO, on her blog she said she wanted to be the 'perfect parent' for arch! and thats understandable, anyone who finds out theres something wrong with their unborn child they want to do the UPMOST best for him! and thats perfectly fine to be honest..
Ash posted it on her facebook to get some people to read it, which is what ive been doing... and then people decided to fucking comment on it saying 'no one is a perfect parent' ?
well i went from naught to 360 literally! i got so angry, when your a young parent which both my brother and ash are, they get scared from the fact theyve found out somethings wrong with my nephew, as me and my family and ashs family have... But for fucking people who dont even understand whats going on to comment saying 'no ones a perfect parent' well EXCUSE ME...
ash and ciar have every right mind to be a perfect parent to my nephew! and btw if you havent noticed its a blog where you can express yourself with no one having their stupid opinions on it, not a facebook status..
What matters is that Ash and Ciaran want to be parents that are perfect for archie, not the other way round, he will get so much love and care from the family around him but ash and ciar will be amazing parents! as ciar has helped me through so much with my heart, and has ALWAYS always been there... so i cant imagine what hes going to be like with his own son, yeah its going to be hard but theyll get through it and the specialists nowadays are brilliant with what they can do..
What really matters, is family, family is what matters, family is the root of the tree of life, no matter what happens to you you always ALWAYS come back to family, yeah i have problems with family, everyone does, but family always has your back no matter what.. i cant imagine my life without my mum, shes been a rock to all of us, and all of my friends also! alot my friends can probably remember the times shes been there through TEEN PREGNANCY SCARES lol! She is genuinely amazing, and shes the strongest woman i know...
My grandparents were the same to my mum and uncles, and like i said life only gives you one chance, one chance to make a true living out of why youre here, so make it worth it by loving the people that love you back, and by giving that love and care to other whos need it. I love my family, and i have so much respect for people who grew up without the proper support there for them, i really do...
My favorite quote is >>A certain darkness is needed to see the stars<< and what that means is you have to go through some shit to see the importance in why life is worth it... and i think everyone in the world can happily say theyve been through enough to see how important and valuable life is.
sorry for the deep blog guys, way too long but wanting to explain the day and have a deep and meaningful rant about things..
STAY RAD mk xxxx
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